Breathing Techniques for Better Lovemaking – Part 2
by CarlaTara
In my last post, I started a discussion about using breathing techniques during lovemaking. This is unusual for many people, and they may be afraid to try something that seems so different. I encourage you to give these techniques a try – they are incredibly effective a t increasing pleasure for both men and women, and creating true deep connection in the lovemaking act.
Today let’s move to the second stage of the Tantric breath. This is a type of Yogic breath that requires inspiration (in-breathing) with the nose with a longer exhalation through your mouth.
We are focusing now on the stage when you have just finished the pre-foreplay during which you both connected with your eyes and your heart , taking turn giving and receiving, touching and being touched. This is the time when you really feel you want to make those loving feelings larger and higher.
Now you enter into the actual foreplay, the special time the woman can gets really turned on and has one or more orgasms before the intercourse, and the man places all his full attention in pleasuring her. At this incredibly sexy point, she can continue to deepen the Ocean Breath™, amplifying the sounds and the movements that go with it. That of course, is a great turn on for the man.
The two lovers are fully connected on a psychic/spiritual level and her body is so fully turned on that she can relax even deeper and follow the juiciness of the moment by continuing to use the powerfully feminine Ocean Breath™. She is enjoying herself without thinking she has to go for orgasms. The less she’s thinking, the more likely she is to have one or several orgasms.
However, the Tantric approach invites the man — who of course responds by increasing his turn on — to start controlling his sexual energy at this point, that otherwise would tend to head for the fast release, or at least faster than he wants and she desires.
It is at this point than man shifts to the Yogic breath, or a long 3-part breathing intending the breath to spread out sexual energy throughout the whole body. The energy is usually becoming very intense, especially for the man who is a good responder to a woman who is really turned on.
This breath is taken in through the nose slowly and slowly exhaled with the mouth slightly open, ready to kiss at any time you or she feel like it.
Breathing this way it is easier for the man to keep building energy that could result for him, too, in several body orgasms even before intercourse.
In my next post, I’ll discuss the third and final stage of Tantric breathing.
Are you experiencing pain or difficulty in your relationship or marriage? Are you frustrated that nothing has worked to improve?
Contact me today to schedule an appointment or phone conference at 917-513-2500
With almost 20 years of experience helping hundreds of couples rediscover the heat of their passion for one another, I can help you too.
Breathing Techniques for Better Lovemaking – Part 1
by CarlaTara
There are 3 stages of lovemaking, each requiring a different breath. In this post I’m going to talk about the first and most important stage of lovemaking, which requires the Ocean Breath™.
The first stage of breath is the incredibly important and often underestimated Ocean Breath™. The Ocean Breath™ empowers the heart to open, the body to relax and connect with the sensations and feelings that flow within your body and the body of your lover.
If the feelings are not stuck and seem impossible to express, this gently flowing breath melts the blocks that keep the energy from flowing. Good lovemaking can not happen unless the heart center opens up, and the Ocean Breath™ is the fasted way to open this marvelous portal of love.
You allow the breath to come into your slightly opened mouth and let it float down into the lower part of the lungs. The diaphragm respond to this with moving down to make room for the lungs to elongate. This creates a gentle, empowering massage of the sex center.
Any touch, but especially the water touch –this relaxing, nurturing touch– when synchronized with the Ocean Breath™ can take the touch deeper into the body of your lover, touching the very core.
The Ocean Breath™ opens you up for communication on a deep level. Breathing this way helps you become aware of all that needs to be expressed to be fully present to love. What emerges with the Ocean Breath™ could be anything such as desires, needs that have been suppressed, expression of gratefulness, a strong longing to connect. It is the best preparation for the so called ‘foreplay’. I call it the ‘pre-foreplay’.
The Ocean Breath™ opens up energies stored in the sex and power center and get them moving throughout the whole body, a great preparation for multiple orgasms.
The second stage – the nose breath with a longer exhalation through your mouth is best used during the second part of the foreplay and the beginning of intercourse, and the more advanced third stage breath is the controlled breath.
Important note: you can always revert back to the Ocean Breath™ when find yourself disconnected from your partner, or thinking you should do something different than what is happening and/or forcing to reach a goal. The Ocean Breath™ will take you back to the present moment.
Another note: A woman does not have to learn the stage three breath because she does not need to control the energy unless she wants to.
Love, Carla
Are you experiencing pain or difficulty in your relationship or marriage? Are you frustrated that nothing has worked to improve?
Contact me today to schedule an appointment or phone conference at 917-513-2500
With almost 20 years of experience helping hundreds of couples rediscover the heat of their passion for one another, I can help you too.
Giving In The Spirit of Tantra
by CarlaTara
The hustle and bustle of many of us who have bought into the commercialization of the Holidays are can be greatly scaled down if you spend a few minutes to check in with yourself – how well are you receiving the presents that life offers you every single day?
When you have a real smile on your face, because you are thinking how lucky you are to have health, the sunshine, the rain, the abundance of fruits that nature gives us, the ability to reach out to thousands of people and contribute to their lives, a call from a friend who is thinking of you…then you are enjoying the true gifts of life.
I believe that when you are good at receiving with gratefulness in your heart, you are also good at giving of yourself – remember that for the people in your life, the best present of all is your full presence. Even a hug given with full presence is a great gift. Yes, you truly can give a lot when you look into another’s eyes and are touched by the love you feel for this person.
If giving more material presents makes you happy and does not unduly stress your finances, go ahead and be generous in that way, too. Just take the time, and make sure you connect while you are giving your present. Then it will have double value!
Love,
Carla
Carla Tara
The Intimacy Expert
11-11-11
by CarlaTara
11-11-11 – all these 1s make up a single 1 –
1 to the power of 1 is still one
Today it’s a celebration of coming home to who we are, a facet of an enormous diamond. It is time to accept and celebrate our oneness with each other, the earth and all that is.
Our history shows that war has not brought peace When we think of ourselves as separate it is easy to make another the enemy When we think and feel we are one then there is peace.
Yet knowing this on an intellectual level does not help much. It is almost impossible to feel One when you are divided inside, split between thinking and feeling, between left and right brain. Today is the beginning of integrating all of who we are.
Acceptance precedes integration. you need to accept your shadow side instead of fighting it
Accept that it is there and reflect on the consequences that it creates if acted out
When our shadow side is left undetected
you can not choose to transform it into love, our only hope for integrating all of who we are and feel the pleasure of Union.
The Revolution to the old ways of thinking is exciting. Revolution without the R = evolution.
How willing are we to actually evolve? Today is the perfect day to reflect on it. I would love to hear your thoughts too.
Breaking Habits That Destroy Love
by CarlaTara
As you probably know, much of our difficulty in keeping a relationship fresh comes from the fact that the left side of our brains, the part that is concerned with our survival, loves to create habits. This part of the brain is responsible for doing things for you that produce efficiency and comfort. Obviously it is not efficient to have to figure out over and over again which muscles to use, and in what sequence, to do simple things like walking, opening a door, making sounds, and even more complicated actions like flying a plane.
By creating habits, the left side of our brain lets us make a little ‘program’ that takes us through the most efficient set of actions without wasting time thinking through each one. We are really grateful for this ability, which ultimately makes our lives easier.
However, the problem is that this same part of our brain wants to take over and make the decisions about what’s best for you all the time, without consulting with the heart. The left side simply takes over the job of the right side of our brain without being in touch with the wisdom that is available to the right brain, and without considering factors like love, joy, and excitement.
If we don’t pay attention, the habit-creating actions of the left side, which can be so useful to us, can start to strangle us with efficiency and routine in the most important parts of our lives where we DON’T want to be on autopilot.
The right brain knows best how to deal with the matters of heart, our love with ourselves and with our beloved, as well as with our children and our friends, and all the people we trust. Knowledge and awareness together make up the foundation that allows you to see what is best for you in each moment.
Do you allow the left brain to deal with the matters of the heart using the same mechanistic approach for love as you use to open a door and climb the stairs? Why would you decide to do that? Well, truly, most of us don’t decide to that – we let it happen by default.
It’s not easy to catch the thoughts before they come into your brain. In order for you to tell the brain what to do, you have to be in touch with the you beyond ego, a place higher and deeper than your brain, the part of you that contains the brain. It’s almost like our left-side brains are set to have the stronger voice until you train yourself to hear (and listen to) the soft voice of your intuition.
At times you might have experienced the habit-creating brain reminding you of how good something felt before, and it wants you to repeat it. If you have experienced that, then you also know that it is impossible to create a copy of the pleasure that we might have experienced in the past. Trying to do that can actually ruin the experience instead, and you end up feeling frustrated or disappointed, and not even sure why. Habits slowly kill the freshness of love and the joy and exhilaration felt in the newness, even when it’s an activity that at first brought us pleasure and excitement.
Do you remember the first time you kissed?
How you may have felt the magical, magnetic pull toward each other, slowed your impulse to kiss by taking the time to smell the subtle aromas of your lover’s pheromones, taking the time to slowly touch the back of their neck and their hair, enjoying the enchanting facial expressions and the deep breaths that preceded your first kiss?
Has that kiss now become a short peck? How much is the core part of you longing for the deep connection of the first kiss?
Are you aware that by being present you could actually enjoy every kiss as if kissing your lover for the first time? And not just the kiss, your touch, the way you speak with each other, the small attentions you had for each other – all of them could be as exciting and fresh for you as at the beginning of your relationship.
How can we efficiently use that mechanical part of our brain when we work, and shift to the other heart-connected part of the brain when we enter our home, the place where we nurture love and connection? Most of us are taking the brain that is involved in efficient work home, and we don’t know how to shift to the heart brain.
The good news is that you can always create something new anytime you do something with love. The heart thrives on newness and finds always what’s new in the moment. That ability escapes our mechanical brain that is busy most of the time reminding us of what we need to do and to say, pressuring us to follow the prompting for survival that comes from a very limited way of thinking.
There is a higher consciousness that can be achieved with a simple, natural breath, which I call the Ocean Breath. This breath can take you immediately to the part of your brain that knows how to love and to give and receive pleasure that is new and real.
I teach this to my clients, and in my book, The Secrets of the Ocean Breath. If you are in New York City next weekend, I will be teaching the Ocean Breath in my beginner’s workshop at the Open Center (info and registration online here).
In the meantime, you can start paying attention yourself to where you are letting habits interfere with your love connection. Take the time to stop yourself and think – am I touching him the same way as last time? Would she like it if I kissed her harder or softer than usual? Even just doing the same action, but with REAL attention, not ‘going through the motions’ can actually bring spark back to routine.
Try it tonight, and let me know your results!
Why Men Don’t Care How Women Feel
by CarlaTara
A problem I hear very often from women in couples who feel they are not listened to or misunderstood or ignored is that their man doesn’t care how they feel, or doesn’t bother to listen to their feelings. But what women think they see in men’s behavior is not always a reflection of a man’s true thought or action. In spite of some women’s complaints that men don’t like feelings, my experience in working with thousands of men and women shows that what most men want IS a woman who feels deeply and expresses her feelings clearly without blame.
The ability to feel deeply and express those feelings clearly is actually the deepest reason a man falls in love with a woman. But it takes emotional maturity to distinguish surface display of emotions from real feelings. Women who grew up in a family that habitually expressed emotions with lots of drama are especially prone to confuse emotional display and drama (shouting, crying, pouting, raised voice, gestures) with feeling emotions deeply in their core.
Feelings are deep like the ocean, while emotional displays are like waves that move with the wind along the ocean’s surface. The wind that disturbs us is caused by recurring thoughts that drive up big waves of emotional outbursts that seem exaggerated to most men. So men may just close off instead, and so it seems that your man never ‘gets’ what you really want to express. And sometimes, those emotional outbursts actually have the effect of closing women off to their own feelings too – your energy is diverted from feeling your pain or anger deeply into distracting bursts of yelling or crying.
A mature women knows how to recognize the thoughts that started those exaggerated emotions, and takes time to go deeper to see what it is that she’s longing for from her partner. She takes time to calm her emotional waves and find the words to express what she really feels in the depths of her ocean.
Without feelings, lovemaking becomes a habitual way to build sexual energy up and then release it without experiencing orgasms that actually stir you up all the way to your core. Such deep-reaching orgasms have the power to deepen and enliven your love.
I suggest that you take time to connect with your deep feelings and find the clearest and shortest way to express them. Too many words can sound confusing and can diffuse the power of the feeling that creates connection between partners.
Please take a moment and consider:
Men
- Do you close off when she starts expressing her feelings?
- Do you gently remind her to take a moment to connect with her real feelings?
- Do you ask her if she has a request of you?
Women
- Are you afraid of expressing your feelingsin your relationship?
- Do you take a moment to calm yourself and find a short way to ask for what you want?
- Do you thank your man for having been open to listening to you?
These actions may seem very small and simple, but like many simple acts, they are immensely powerful and can be great agents of change in your relationship. Take time now to consider how you are reacting to your feelings, then the next time you confront a difficult emotional situation, do these simple changes. You will be amazed at the transformation in how you and your partner connect.
Are you experiencing pain or difficulty in your relationship or marriage? Are you frustrated that nothing has worked to improve?
Contact me today to schedule an appointment or phone conference at 917-513-2500
With almost 20 years of experience helping hundreds of couples rediscover the heat of their passion for one another, I can help you too.
VIDEO: Internet Pornography Threatens The Future of Our Young Men
by CarlaTara
I wanted to share with you this amazing video by Philip Zimbardo on the effect growing up with the internet is having on young boy’s developing their sexuality and how they interact socially. It’s short – less than 5 minutes – but some of the statistics and information he shares are shocking. We need to reassess how our young men and women are developing in a changed world, and take the time to help them negotiate these challenges!
Tantra can correct the damage created by porn. My work with young men of legal age gives me confirmation that men are really longing for intimacy as much as women do. However, there are painfully too few young men who take the time to tune in to notice how unfulfilled they are after porn-like s e x. Romance and slow sexual interaction are ‘boring’ to these young men only until they learn Tantra, and then they are amazed to discover how much better sex is with emotional connection.
The challenge for us as a community that believes in the ecstasy of sacred sex is how to bring this knowledge to more young men beyond the few who are natural seekers – to the ones who don’t even know what experience this focus on pornography is robbing from them.
I would love to read your suggesions on how we can reach them.
Going Deeper Into Love Through Sex
by CarlaTara
Many people think that they are too open minded to have any shame and guilt about their sex lives, but negative emotions have learned how to hide deep in the psyche because they clash with the intellectual part of the brain. Hidden shame and/or guilt about not being perfect are still sabotaging many relationships. I’m always amazed how it is possible for these to be hiding away in our subconscious, sometimes for many years.
Modern free thinkers seldom imagine the damage that these negative belief cause. They have probably read all the books that brilliantly explain how sex is a great energy that can actually help to have harmonious relationships and even lead to enlightenment. The problem is that, the wisdom we read in books still only engages us on an intellectual level, and doesn’t penetrate down to the level of belief.
Many of us have absorbed – usually early in life – unhealthy beliefs which sabotage deep love. Unless you had the perfect upbringing, you probably have taken in limiting beliefs around sex from people you grew up with. Very few parents understand the power and spirituality of sex and do not know how to talk about it in a free educational way. As children and teenagers we are confronted with the duality: sex feels good, and yet we are directly or indirectly taught that it is bad or shameful.
Guilt can also be passed from an adult who interacts sexually with a child or teenager inappropriately. The child absorbs the feeling that there is something wrong with sex. Instead, what is wrong is the inappropriate use of sex, or sexual approach at that age from that person. But the subconscious doesn’t distinguish, and it translates that sense of wrongness from one sexual situation into a general negative reaction to sexuality itself.
Both shame and guilt disconnect us from love and make a deeply satisfying relationship impossible. The good news is that the tantric approach brings up all possible negative repressed emotions into the open, where with the help of a skilled practitioner they can be transformed into the truth of the innocence and power of appropriate sex. To enjoy sex fully, you need to connect it to love, and love is the deepest emotion.
When sex and love are disconnected your deepest needs for nurturing and sexual merging remain unfulfilled – whether you are avoiding sex or are addicted to it. And you probably know that addictions, after a very short spike of pleasure, always leave you empty and bored.
When those limiting beliefs surface and are transformed into love they are actually presenting you with a gift. They enrich you by giving back to you all the energy that was being used to keep them suppressed, under the radar of the rational, intellectual mind.
It is reassuring to know that if you clear up all the negative connotations around sex that are kept in place in the subconscious, you can experience the depth of love. You can only go as deep as you are emotionally free. When the sabotaging emotions are transformed, your energy and the intensity of your pleasure increase exponentially, and so does love.
Are you searching for that true connection with your authentic self?
I can help.
Call me at 917-513-2500 or email carla@1tantra.com to talk about the next step in your path.
