Everyday “regular” sex brings you only temporary pleasure followed by tiredness and perhaps boredom.

Couples will find that Tantra goes way beyond to make every love encounter a pleasurable discovery of infinite possibilities.

Men will find that Tantra has the key to make you the lover that every women is longing for. You will experience  pleasures beyond your imagination; you will learn to expand and control you sexual energy to ride hours of waves of pleasure with your woman and have multiple full body orgasms until both of you are completely fulfilled and in ecstatic bliss. You will learn ancient Tantric secrets to bring your woman to a place of surrender and ecstasy.

You both love your kids, but somehow, with your focus on taking care of them, romance takes a back seat. Before the children, you had more time for each other. You could go out to dinner, see mutual friends, go to interesting movies and discuss them; you were motivated to be sensuous and creative, and could schedule time to make love more often. With your priority shifting to the children, this takes a toll on your intimacy together. As a couple, you can feel disconnected.

The ancient science of Conscious Love, Tantra, gives wonderful advice to parents. It is simple advice, but it requires your commitment to maintaining high passion in your relationship while you are being good parents.

Tantra suggests that a good way to begin is to show each other understanding and gratefulness for all you do. For instance, men, you have the power to give your wife rejuvenation and energy, and bring back your wife into your life, not just your kid’s mom. And this can be a simple act: Tantra recommends that you massage your wife’s feet.

Why? Because a woman has to be relaxed before she can open up her sexuality. As you probably know, all energy lines that go through the whole body (meridians) end up in the feet, and can bring both relaxation and more vitality to all the organs of the body. A foot massage brings with it a sensual awakening that can be sexually exciting and open up both her heart and her yoni. So, rubbing her feet is both stimulating and relaxing.

However, Tantra reveals a secret about this situation. Women have a sixth sense about your intentions when you do anything. If you touch her with the intention of stimulating her because you want to make love, she will pick up on it, even unconsciously, and might resist because she’s tired. However, when your intention is to actually help her relax, that too will come through, and she might more willingly agree. So Tantra recommends that you come from their heart when you offer the massage, and let the sexual connection unfold naturally in the moment.

Tantra encourages couples to touch each other, and connect through hugging and kissing, or just breathing and holding each other because touch between a couple fulfills. Many people have grown up with the misconception that once you start touching each other sensuously you “have to” end in orgasm.
This belief is counterproductive and leads to dissatisfaction and mistrust.

If every time you touch sensuously you want to end up having intercourse, one partner may end up drawing back because they don’t feel like going all the way at that time. Especially for parents, who often end the day dropping exhausted into bed after tucking in the kids, the idea of a protracted love-making session may just seem like too much work. That’s the perfect chance to spend time just holding one another, renewing the deep connection of your love.

If you make the dedicated commitment to exchange this deep touch as often as you can, some nights you’ll find it progressing to hot juicy sex, and some nights you’ll fall asleep in each other’s arms, but along the way you’ll also be discovering how to have both the pleasure of parenthood and the pleasure of a great satisfying sex life.

While I am staying out of the medical debate about penile enlargement and its consequences to your health, as a Tantrika I can say that the size of your penis has little to do with her having the greatest orgasm she can have. For you, it is very much a matter of being in control of your mind that often scares you by telling you that you will repeat the same poor performance of previous times, and using the right angles during intercourse.

It is essential to really connect with her, to know how to use your love muscles (PC muscles), using breathing and concentration techniques to avoid premature ejaculation while building up the charge. A premature ejaculation is an ejaculation that happens before you want it. Your muscles start pumping out the semen involuntarily. You need to learn to control them, and in many cases strengthen them. If you ejaculate before your lover has reached an orgasm, whether clitoral or vaginal or both, it is an ejaculation that is premature.

Tantra can give you the techniques you need to achieve results you desire. Furthermore it provides you with the added satisfaction of connecting more deeply with your lover. When you allow their love in, instead of being closed off in your head, worried about how you will perform, you will relax and actually be a better lover.

About her orgasms: a clitoral orgasm can happen with just rubbing on the outside of the clitoris. It can be achieved during intercourse if her clitoris is close to the introitus of the yoni so it gets strokes by your lingam, otherwise she needs extra stimulation from the outside. You can help her achieve vaginal orgasms, whether g spot or cervical orgasms, during intercourse by adjusting your angle of entry and doing the right hip movements.

The clitoral orgasm can not be compared to vaginal orgasms. It’s like comparing apples with oranges. The clitoral orgasm is more intense and more similar to the male orgasm, whereas the vaginal orgasms are more feminine in nature: more wavelike and can last for a long time and can be repeated. A woman can have a series of vaginal orgasms, but usually only one or two clitoral orgasm. Then the clitoris becomes too sensitive to continue.

I really hope I have helped shine some light on the debate. What do you like more: oranges or apples? I myself like both and both are incredibly pleasurable.

It’s important to know that you can stop this connection at any time and yet feel relaxed and fulfilled because you did not have a goal to “come”; the desire was to connect and to exchange energy in a conscious way, which is always very sexy and uplifting. 

This is possible because Tantra does not have a goal. Just because you start making love, you don’t have to end in ejaculatory orgasm, although you can have several body orgasms while being together.

You could start your play that precedes the more intimate play of love anywhere, perhaps even in a restaurant looking into each other with eyes burning with desire, opening sexily the top button of your shirt while gently caressing the uncovered skin. Touching each other’s hands while your heart is swelling with love; appreciating the presentation of the platter of food that you chose; being aware of every explosion of taste in your mouth and expressing it with soft appreciative sounds “yum..yum”. Perhaps even implying that the second dessert is going to be at home…

You might stop on the way home to buy colorful flowers to adorn your room, or very ripe fruit that you are going to feed each other during a special intimate time. Smelling both the flowers and the fruit, anticipating the incredible delight they will bring to you at the right time during the lovemaking; a sort of a sweet communion.

At home, you might give each other a long sensuous hug and a kiss and start preparing the room for a romantic encounter: candles, flowers, your favorite music that you have already chosen to put on your “lovemaking” play list, sexy clothing…

Then you might want to do a bathing ritual to prepare your body for love. You could wash each other’s hair, one at a time, being fully present in the role of giving or receiving; really give each other this present of attention and nurturing.

You have just started a lovemaking session that could last as long as you keep your focused awareness on each other and communicate caring and love either silently through looks, sensuous touch, sexy sounds and body undulations or with words expressing what you feel about your lover.

You dance together feeling the heat building up from the movement of your hips in unison with the music you both love and your adoration of each other’s body.

You have not yet started the lovemaking session as most non-tantric people imagine it to be (tantric sex), and yet you have already built up a great erotic charge that will bring the “actual intercourse lovemaking” to another dimension. The more you prepare, the higher you can go into ecstasy.

Tantric lovemaking does not have a goal of how the love session has to end. You are constantly tuning into the moment and discovering where the energy will take you. You will be very positively surprised about how controlling the ejaculation with Tantric tools can tremendously increase the pleasure in your body.

Avoiding set patterns of lovemaking is essential. Habits kill the freshness and passion of lovemaking.

Remember that after you have started the actual intercourse you can stop at anytime and look into each other’s eyes and share the enchantment you are feeling.

In Tantra we can choose to build up to a very high orgasm. You can stop several times along the way to the highest Mountain; you can choose to enjoy resting in each other’s arms in each of the many valleys before reaching the top, each time spreading the energy built up so far into all the cells of the body. This could take some time.

Taking time to feed each other and resting in conscious embraces is very much part of Tantra as well.

I recommend you don’t do Tantra with a watch on. Let the love carry you through and if you fall asleep then you were listening to your body’s need for rest and respecting it. That is Tantra, too. Relax and reconnect when you wake up! Enjoy each other’s presence without distractions. That is the essence of Tantra.

In contrast to the “pump up and burst” type of ejaculatory orgasm that usually leaves men tired, I teach my male clients to have non-ejaculatory orgasms that build up their energy instead. Many men I’ve coached tell me they still feel their body charged with erotic energy, and they become emotionally closer to their love partner. Some report a strong sense of bonding to themselves as well. They experience themselves as more loveable, and have higher self-esteem. Thoughts and feelings are in alignment–that is, they no longer think one way and feel another. They feel at peace with themselves, and connected with the whole of life.

Sometimes a man can reach a very high orgasm by accident, in which he feels his energy expand beyond his body to include his lover. Occasionally he can even reach high levels of spiritual connection as well. But without the scientific knowledge of how to reproduce these effects, achieving such results is left to chance.

Tantra, however, uses methods that can produce repeatable results when practiced correctly. An important part of the tantric approach is the understanding of energy–how it’s stirred up, expanded, and moved to different parts of the body. If a man wants to attain more control over achieving multiple orgasms without ejaculation, he’ll need to learn the tantric techniques. These can best be acquired from women who have the dedication, knowledge and experience to be tantric love coaches. These women are called Tantrikas.

If a Tantrika is unavailable in your area, you might get some very basic information from Tantra books or videotapes. But trying to learn how to have non-ejaculatory multiple orgasms from such instructional aids alone is comparable to learning to ride a bike by reading a book about bicycles. To perfect your technique, you really have to get on a bike yourself, or have a private Tantra session with an experienced Tantrika.

These techniques come to us from the ancient knowledge of Tantra, the art and science of becoming a more conscious person and lover. They include methods of concentration to tune into your body sensations, without allowing your mind to wander, or comparing this experience with others, or rushing to reach a specific goal. They include very important breathing techniques–some designed to increase sexual energy, some to surrender to that energy, and some to control that energy. Also important are techniques designed to use sound in a special way to vibrate different parts of the body to further expand that energy.

I’ve had several men tell me they were embarrassed to make sounds during lovemaking, believing only women make them. But after they’ve experienced the qualitative and quantitative differences of erotic excitement that the orgasmic sounds can produce, they accept the idea with more enthusiasm. Many of them decide to tell their love partner before lovemaking that they’ll use certain sounds to increase and lengthen their mutual pleasure. They invariably find their partners are actually turned on by those sounds.

The techniques of seven levels of movements–from the shallowest and slowest to the deepest and fastest–can be used like precisely fine-tuned instruments in a wonderful symphony (andante, staccato, etc.), depending on the effects you want to create. For example, as you feel yourself approaching the point of ejaculatory inevitability, you’d change your pelvic movement from the yang to the yin–that is, from the fast and strong thrust to a slower and more relaxed one, perhaps directing the thrust away from your partner’s body and softening the penetration.

Also important are techniques of varying the touching approach of your sexual organs, your heart area, and other parts of your body at specific times during lovemaking. For instance, a relaxed perineum (the area between the genitals and the anus) and strong love muscles (the pubo-coccygeal or PC muscles at the base of your pelvis) are prerequisites for de-localizing your sexual energy. In that way you can avoid ejaculation, and at the same time increase your orgasmic pleasure, by re-directing highly charged sexual energy to other parts of your body.

All the above tools and more aid in creating multiple full-body orgasms–orgasms that are felt throughout the entire body, not just in the genitals. An analogy that helps men understand the process is that of wave surfing. As you’re building up your sexual energy, you ride the wave upward. As you’re approaching the crest, you start riding along the crest, thus avoiding going over the top. Greater and longer thrills are your reward if you don’t allow yourself to go over the top of the first wave.

Another analogy that helps explain multiple orgasms is that of climbing a tall mountain with several peaks. When you’re almost within reach of the first peak, you hang out in an adjacent valley and feel the blessings of the high energy you’ve generated so far. You can use tantric techniques to sustain your erection for as long as you want, and at the same time connect deeper with your love partner’s heart and soul. At this first peak, you can have your first non-ejaculatory orgasm that involves the whole body. It’s also called a Valley Orgasm. It’s as though all the cells of your body are exploding with pleasure and excitement, while the lingam (the penis) is still retaining most of its energy. It takes just a moment of concentration on the lingam for it to recharge even stronger than before.

After this invigorating “rest” you can resume the movement and the breathing that will bring you to the next peak, and then to yet another. The full-body orgasms get increasingly stronger, until you reach the highest peak of the Himalayas. This lovemaking could culminate in the biggest, strongest orgasm that you’ve ever experienced. This is when you can go beyond your body to feel your connection with the whole cosmos. You then can really experience the feeling that you’re not only a cell in the infinite universe, but you also are the universe, and can come back into your physical reality fully recharged and more at peace.

If after many such peaks you decide to ejaculate as well, Tantra recommends that you do that by taking the longest, deepest breath and then exhale slowly, vocalizing your excitement while you’re ejaculating. Tantric masters can prolong their ejaculations to last for nine consecutive deep breaths.

The best candidates for this esoteric knowledge are men who are honest enough with themselves to admit that, no matter how good they are as lovers, they can always improve their techniques and approaches to lovemaking. These men are courageous enough to ask for help, and smart enough to get it. They know their greatest wealth is the quality of life they create for themselves, and for the women they love. These men also have enough wisdom to know that experiencing full-body orgasms will take time and practice.

When practicing these techniques, there are many signs to look for that can confirm you’re on the right track. A tingling sensation, shifts of consciousness, a warm glow, a feeling of being lost in time, making involuntary sounds and spontaneous movements, and becoming relaxed in a high state of excitement are all signs of an impending full-body orgasm. The key is to pay attention to the smallest sensations in your body. Instead of judging them as “too small to matter,” you become curious about how big they can get-but without making that a goal.

A wise man also knows that sometimes we have unconscious resistance to pleasure, and that some limiting thoughts or emotions like shame or guilt might come up. This is an important reason a qualified coach can be very valuable. An experienced Tantrika can spot those more-or-less subtle blocks and invite you to relax, own them, and move through them to a higher level of bliss.

Learning to have several full-body orgasms without ejaculating can help a man circulate his sexual energy to flood his hormonal system, and re-stimulate hormone-producing cells that usually reduce their production as we become older. Higher production occurs during your developing years, and then diminishes steadily with age. Men using the tantric techniques can heighten their hormone production, especially the “free” testosterone which causes high sexual desire and improves performance.

There are several other benefits to this practice. Exercising your love muscles will strengthen them, and will help keep your erection powerful and strong for a very long time. The increased circulation that results from the recommended contractions and releases will help to keep the sexual organs strong and healthy. The risk of ending up with prostate problems diminishes substantially.

One of the most important side benefits of a man mastering the multiple orgasm techniques is that it gives the woman time to get greatly stimulated and her genitals time to get highly engorged, so that she can have several orgasms herself. The ancient tantric masters knew that if they satisfied their woman sexually and they honored her as an equal partner, harmony in the family was the result. Besides, I’m often told that a man’s greatest pleasure is to see his woman very turned on by him.

Have you ever considered how much money, time, and emotional pain a divorce ends up costing? Some divorces happen because of lack of trust, and lack of communication. However, in my many years of helping men, women and couples achieve their maximum satisfaction in life, I have consistently observed that when sex is great and men have certain control over their sexual instincts, life becomes more fulfilling sexually, spiritually, and on all other levels. The emotions and the spirit get lots of nurturing, and the love between the couple grows much stronger. Trust and communication improve greatly. When you make love for a couple of hours instead of just a few minutes, you’re more likely to stop outer body movements and get into deep communication by looking into each other’s eyes, and sending energy back and forth to each other.

During these love-building breaks you’d communicate how much you like making love to your partner, and how important she is in your life. You might take turns flexing your internal love muscles to maintain your erection. Don’t worry if your erection diminishes in size a bit. You can regain the full erection shortly after you start moving again. In Tantra you’ll learn that it’s more about moving energy than about “work.” You’ll learn to circulate your sexual energy throughout your body–and hers–expanding it to gain all these benefits while having a wonderful time.

In the end, even if you decide to ejaculate, you’ll have absorbed most of the energetic content of your ejaculate, and you won’t feel tired and sleepy afterwards. You can stay awake and share pillow-talk with your partner, an activity all women seem to enjoy after making love. This is an instance in which you can have your cake and eat it too.