“For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below too soon is wasting his time.” -Isabel Allende

A G-spot in her ears? Does that sound strange? Bizarre? Impossible? You might have never heard of it, but it is not so strange after you take a moment to think how important words are to a woman.

Do you remember how much appreciation you expressed to your lover at the beginning of your relationship?

If you’re a woman, this probably seems natural and obvious to you. This is because a woman’s heart and sexual excitement are directly connected to feeling appreciated and a receiver of love and interest. For you to stay open to receive your man, you need that feeling to be refreshed, or your heart and your sex center begin to close up – like a flower that gets no water.

If you are a man, you might be more inclined to say: “Well, once I’ve said something, she knows it. I don’t have to continue talking about it. It gets boring.” It’s hard for men to understand this, because they prefer to express their love through actual physical lovemaking. If you’re like most men, you would rather learn new physical techniques to get her high and excited, then develop communication skills.

And you might be right, if you can think of only one way to say something. Saying it over and over would lose any meaning and just be another routine – boring for you and her. But if you let your awareness of how much she needs to hear words of appreciation mingle with your willingness and deep desire to express your passion with words, the right words will come: just trust yourself.

Remember – the key to your woman’s turn-on are words of appreciation coming from your heart. She will hear the fakeness if you fake it, but if you are honest everything you say will work.

You can even start with: “You know, honey, that is hard for me to come up with words to say how much I love and appreciate you. And I know that you love to hear it, so I will do my best to find the words even if they can barely express the depth of my love. I’m sure I’ll get better with practice.”

You know, men, all she wants is to be seen by you and feel that she’s important to you. I can also tell you that most women I work with have body issues. So no matter how gorgeous they look to others, they may feel that insecurity inside. So, you need to understand that any time you make love to her, she could be full of thoughts in her mind that you may be thinking of another, perhaps younger or more beautiful woman? At those moments, your words followed by your physical lovemaking will take care of every possible doubt.

Imagine how she will feel hearing your sweet words of appreciation, such as: “Honey, you are the only woman I love so deeply. You are fun, creative, strong and still soft enough to make me want to hug you until I penetrate all the parts of your body with my essence. I feel our heart connection: I can feel our two hearts melt into one.” The woman who receives this is melting and ready to explode into love and pleasure with the man who shares his heart this way.

If she’s older and is worried about her age, you might want to tell her –if you mean it – that you still see her as she was when you met. “I see you young and beaming with energy. Energy is what attracts me to you more than anything. You have that something that drives me crazy for you, still after 20 years of being together!”

Your woman has a direct connection between her G-spot in her ears and her G-spot in her yoni.

A client of mine, Natalie, said that when her husband paid her the best compliment of her life she had a G-spot orgasm. Yes, the G-spot does not even have to be physically stroked when the words stroke it deliciously as her husband’s did:

“Honey, I love you much more than you can even imagine. Your skin is as soft as velvet: all I need to do is touch you that I get turned on. Your smell is so sexy they should bottle your smell it and sell it as aphrodisiac. Your eyes are penetrating my soul and all I want to do is make love to you until you are so high you need a parachute to take you down. Please let me touch your beautiful face and kiss your voluptuous lips…”

That did it!  Natalie told me she was getting wet while hearing this. The strokes that followed took her higher than she thought possible because they started lovemaking already so high with desire and love.

Natalie added, “I am here to learn all the best Tantric techniques so I can to give my man the best of my love and make my lovemaking exquisite for him every time. ”

That’s how Natalie decided to thank her husband for giving her a G- spot orgasm in her ears!

I hope you take this tip and use it tonight!  See how much difference sharing the attention of your heart and your lingam makes in your woman’s excitement. And I hope the women reading this who want more from their partner will share with him the secret to the G-spot in their ears too!

If you would like to learn how to sharpen your own lovemaking skills, and give or experience  the kind of g-spot orgasms that Natalie had, you can make an appointment for some private coaching.

Men are usually faster than women getting to places where they are tempted to ejaculate so I will concentrate on guiding men. If you are a woman who get sexually turned on faster than your man, this is for you, too.

For men, your woman’s breathing is the most essential guide that will tell you where your woman is in her process of getting turned. She will hopefully be using the Ocean Breath, a fluid natural breath. When her breathing becomes deep and she makes sounds of pleasure, you know she’s there with you. Until then, you need to match her breathing and feel where she is.

The breath is the most important telltale sign to guide you to her state of arousal. If she’s suspending her breath, that is she starts holding her breath –making her inhalation and exhalation irregular– that could mean her thinking is taking her away from the moment, away from the sensations that your touch is stimulating. It might be too much for her in that moment, but you don’t have to be a mind reader! Her breath will tell you where she is.

When her breath does not harmonize with your breath, then it is wise to invite her attention to the moment by saying something nice to her. For example: “Honey, you are so sexy! When you look at me you transfer all that beautiful energy into me … When you look at me I get so… turned on.”

Or if your wife is in her menopausal or post menopausal years and starts feeling low self-esteem, you might say to her: “Your skin is so soft and glowing right now. I love you so much I would not exchange you even for 2 eighteen year olds!”

Comments like this will definitely get her attention back whatever you do, whether you touch her, kiss her or perform oral loving on her. As the giver, keep consciously sending your love energy to her.
A touch without loving intention remains superficial, no matter how good it is. When you add your love to it, it can go directly into her heart.

As you know, it is when the woman feels loved that she can fully open up sexually. The key to her sexuality is her heart. You can also make loving commitments loudly. The 3 most important words in the dictionary of love are still: “I love you!” Tell her, ” You are the most important person in my life… “ and she will respond with her heart and her body.

Tantric sex is not about reaching the point of no return and ejaculating. It’s about going beyond the point of no return, and surfing the waves of pleasure together. Enjoy!

Photo by Kait Curran Palmer.

There are powerful Tantric techniques that will help you have several mind-blowing orgasms without ejaculating – they are called multiple body orgasms. Every time you control your instinct to ejaculate, your will move toward a higher, more powerful orgasm. You can have as many orgasms as you want during the time you have set aside for this most pleasurable and enlightening experience with your lover.

A good time to decide to ejaculate is when you know your lover is fully satisfied. Do not worry: she will give you unmistakable signs. Then you can decide to have the last body orgasm with a conscious ejaculation.

This kind of tantric orgasm -I call it the Tantric Big O – will definitely be your highest and your ejaculation will be stronger and longer.

Your experience will be so intense and profound that it will keep you smiling for days. An ejaculation that happens as a reaction of your body that just wants to release a sexual tension is a fleeting pleasure compared to this. Conscious lovemaking increases your physical, emotional and spiritual love.

Men who have mastered the Tantric Big ‘O’ tell me that they experience their highest orgasm with the added pleasure of being flooded by a deep well of love and adoration from their woman. She sees him as her hero. This is the desire of most men. It is ingrained into our psyche. Men want to be heroes. Why not becoming “Superman” in bed?

However, to become a “hero” you need to own also your “feminine” side, the side that Carl Jung called the ‘anima’. Making love is a dance between the masculine and the feminine (the yang and the yin) and you need to take turns between the two if you want to arrive at the highest pinnacle of tantric orgasm.

Going up a mountain that is steep you learn that it is best to go up by zigzagging from side to side, a little higher each cross, than to try to rush straight up. Your yang energy (masculine) wants to reach completion in a straight line, but the yin part of you (your feminine) desires to slow down and enjoy the process. It wants to luxuriate in the touch, to take in the beauty, to nurture.

This is what Tantra teaches. When your climb is very steep, you need to take rests. Tantra calls these rests ‘valley orgasms’. These will allow you to climb to the top of the Himalaya while enjoying the journey. On your way up, you will encounter many valleys. Resting in these valley-orgasm gives you the energy to continue up to the very top – the tantric orgasm, the mind-blowing Tantric Big O.

To obtain this kind of power of choice takes a clear, strong intention and a real commitment to practice. Practice is essential when you are learning. You know that to really become master at anything, it requires both know-how and practice. No matter how talented you are at any sports, if you do not practice – your game will just be ordinary. Yes, a coach is very important. A great coach can give you the right instructions and transmit enthusiasm to you, but you still have to practice to achieve mastery. If you are reading this. I know you are willing to train to be the best lover you can be.

In my sessions, I can transmit to you the tools that will take you there and give you a winning formula based on a most enjoyable ‘training’. You can experience yourself as a brave warrior, a man who can overcome the desire to release this enormous sexual force.

A good father bonds with his children and helps them along the path of finding out who they are, their talents, and to becoming the best they can be.

We know no one is perfect. However, there is a lot of satisfaction in being a ‘good enough’ father.
A ‘good enough’ father finds time to spend with his children and nurtures his connection with his wife. Tantra recommends building a strong love bond between parents because the stronger the love connection of the parents, the more children will grow up having a model of a marriage that works. A strong connection and good communication with his mate makes him a better lover and a better father.

Men who come to me for relationship counseling and Tantra get to understand on a deep level that trust in life comes from good mothering, and self-esteem comes from good fathering. When you tell your child that it’s OK to make mistakes and kindly but strongly invite them to look at the consequences of their actions to learn from their mistakes, you have helped your child with his or her self-esteem.

When you go to see your kids’ games, you have helped them feel important enough for you to take that time for them.

Father’s Day is your special day to celebrate all that and more.

However, I am thinking also of those fathers who made their woman pregnant by mistake and were not able or willing to commit to fatherhood. I can only imagine how painful a day like Father’s Day can be to these biological “fathers” who might have succumbed to a moment of passion and caused a birth of a human being that would grow up without them. I’m imagining that on a certain level both the child and the father are longing for each other.

Tantric wisdom extends an invitation to those “fathers” to celebrate Father’s Day as well, by forgiving themselves for their ignorance, lack of consideration of the consequences of their action, or lack of courage to take responsibility for it.

By doing this, they start to father their own inner kid that I’m guessing might not have had great self-esteem when that happened.

Forgiveness builds self-esteem and transforms guilt into love.

I also feel for those fathers who had the misfortune to lose their children in war or through some accident or sickness.

Holidays like this serve to help them mourn for the loss and get deeper into self-love.

My love goes out to all of you, fathers!

Happy Father’s Day!

I originally published this in 2008, and have had many comments, so I decided to release it again.

The most common sexual dysfunctions that men experience are: loss of desire, erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculation and impotence. Some women experience: inhibited sexual desire, lack of orgasm, insufficient lubrification and painful intercourse. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, in 2005 more than 105 million Americans reported struggling with chronic sexual dysfunctions and many of them were not aware that there is help available. Diabetes can be one of the causes of sexual dysfunctions. Also some prescription medications for depression can have a negative effect on sexual desire.

There are many causes: some of them are related to hormone production, to blocks to the flow of energy, to shallow anxious breathing and unhealthy diet, just to mention a few.

The hormonal production tends to diminish with age, and you could consult a good endocrinologist to check your hormonal production status. There is a lot of information available on the internet. It’s worth learning about it.

There are also products available that are natural, organic, that very safely stimulate the body to increase production of the body’s natural growth hormones.

What you eat and drink is also important. There are certain simple recommendations you might want to observe most of the time: eat your biggest meal between 12 and 2 PM; eat fish vegetables often; keep your stomach light at night; drink lots of water during the day. Drinking a little alcohol can help lower inhibitions, while drinking too much can inhibit sexuality.

Breathing shallowly and high in the chest is probably the most important single cause of lack of energy and anxiety during lovemaking. Through the years, we became habituated to breathe shallow breaths, often filling only the higher part of our chest where the lungs are narrow and smaller. The body brings the venous blood to the lungs to be purified and the largest veins are located on the bottom of the lungs. Venous blood contains carbon dioxide and other poisonous gases that need to be exchanged with oxygen and thus transformed into vital arterial blood that nourished and strengthens the body.

To be fully present and energetic lovers, we need to learn to breathe to facilitate this exchange as fully as possible. Tantra teaches different breaths for different purposes. Some of the most used techniques are to increase energy and to retain energy without going over the top.

However, many of the sexual dysfunctions are due to emotional issues, entrenchment into set habits, undelivered communications and resentments that could build a cold wall between couples and unconscious issues coming to the surface. A good Tantric Healer can help you look at those issues with increased energy and guide you to use this powerful Tantric tools to open up blocks and take care of unfinished issues that limit the joy of our lovemaking.

Lots of issues have been repressed and feeling rationalized instead of felt. When emotions are not expressed, blocks to the flow of energy form along the pathway where erotic energy would otherwise flow to the whole body. When blocks are present your vitality is lower and sex becomes more a “squeeze and burst” event, at best a letting go of tension instead of an exchange to deepen your love for each other.

Some men have trained themselves with techniques to “making her come” the fastest way possible so that they can “come” thus missing the opportunity for emotional connection and really fulfilling lovemaking. This way of having sex gives leaves you with a sense of immediate relief but robs you of the opportunity to use this powerful energy for deep heart connection and nurturing. Thus lovers are depriving themselves of deeper and longer pleasure that could enliven all the cells of the body. Making love could be the greatest way to “make love” grow and to live a longer, happier life.

Deep breathing helps bring emotions to the surface. “E-motion” means energy in motion. When emotions are felt sexual energy can reach higher levels riding higher and wider waives sending into ecstatic lovemaking that is really fulfilling. Sex without emotions leaves people tired, empty and sometimes sad. We instinctively know there is more to it.

Deep breathing is also a key to avoiding anxiety about performance. When your whole body tingles with aliveness and when you hear our lover breathe equally deeply, perhaps even making a sound on each exhalation, you are less prone to thinking about performance and more about riding the waves of pleasure a little longer.

Tantra offers the view that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience and as such we have infinite potential for expressing love. By adding the spiritual dimension into the lovemaking it elevates it to ecstasy and adds opens doors for infinite creativity.

As spiritual beings we have infinite potential available and therefore boredom is no longer a danger.

First, relax all your facial muscles. A tense face makes tense lips – you want your lips and mouth to be open and welcoming. So, close your eyes for a moment, breathe deeply into your belly, and let go.

Now, kiss your partner’s upper lip (Yang). Use both your lips to embrace their upper lip. Let your lips be open and full. Suck gently.

Now, kiss your partner’s lower lip (Yin). Fully enjoy all the sensations. Explore the rich softness of your lover’s lip.

Now, kiss your partner’s lips together. The full embrace. Feel how their excitement is building.  Do their lips quiver? Are they parted to invite you in?

A kiss is like the first movement of a lovemaking symphony.In every sigh and quiver of your partner’s lips, you can feel as you lift their desire, slowly, building to the first touch, the next touch. . . As you take your time to fully experience the kiss together, you are building even more sexual energy to bring forth in your lovemaking, or to hold at a high level of vibration to energize you in all the parts of your life.

Try each of the following modalities:

Gently touch your lips to your lover’s lips.

Exhale while kissing.

Inhale while kissing.

Gently bite your lover’s lips.

Kiss your lover’s mouth at an angle.

Explore your lover’s mouth with your tongue.

Caress your lover’s upper lip frenulum with your tongue. The frenulum is the small ridge at the middle of the lip on the inside. This can be a very sensitive spot for many people.

Twine your tongue all around your lover’s tongue.

Absorb the nectar from your lover’s mouth with a libation kiss. This is especially sweet when a man
practices it at the moment of the woman’s orgasm.

A variety of touches can express passion, devotion, and love.

The giver and the receiver both have their roles to play in this dance of love.

When they take turns giving and receiving, they each get a chance to lead the dance.

Guidelines for givers:

Focus on sending energy into your partner’s body, starting slowly at the invisible
aura, and gradually penetrating deeper.

Synchronize your breathing with your partner’s breathing, which can change often.

Touch your partner emotionally with your heart.

Avoid repetition by constantly changing your touching strokes’ speed, pressure and length.

Even if one touch feels especially good, move onto another area or stroke,
then come back to a favorite now and then.

Guidelines for receivers:

Relax. It’s your turn to just lie back and receive all the pleasure you can.

Focus your attention on your partner’s hands, wherever they are on your body.

Breathe slowly and deeply, depending on how your body reacts to the touches.

Enlarge your capacity to feel pleasure. You can learn to receive much more than ever before.

Give feedback to your partner, using either verbal or nonverbal communication.

Easier because we have everything closer at hand, complicated because we have many choices available and only limited time to study them and to pursue them.

We have to deal with: “what is the best way to deal with this? Who is right? Who can help us meet our challenges or solve our problems?” 
What about if I make wrong choices because I have not studied the problem enough, or I’ve not asked the right people? What is ‘enough’? Who is the best person that can counsel?

All of these decisions and indecision can be very stressful.

At these times, we may remember to trust our intuition. But how are we going to recognize what is intuition and what is just a strong desire to get past the painful problem solving time?

It gets especially painful when choices have to do with our health, our relationships and our job. The temptation to move fast in the hope of getting out of the pain of non-decision can be great, especially for dynamic personalities, but fast might not be the best move.

I suggest that you study 3 different good sources of information. There is something special about the number 3.

What do I mean by good sources? I mean generally recognized as valuable sources. Not just a friend or a family member, but recognized experts.

Then let go of the search, and take time for yourself to get into the core of your being where you are one with all that exists.

• Do some body movements and stretching to relax the body
• Lie down on a couch or mat and close your eyes
• Visualize you are sitting in a room full of light. Give that light the color that represents love for you
• Imagine every cells of your body soaking up the color of love
• Do the Tantric Ocean Breath for about 10 minutes to get the energy moving
• Pleasure your body with the same passion you would pleasure your lover
• Do so until your body starts vibrating with energy and perhaps even moving in waves
• Ride the orgasmic waves that are happening spontaneously
• Enjoy the feeling of abandon
• Get to a space of gratitude that you have a body
• Then rest and ask yourself the question you want an answer to
• Listen to the first answer you perceive

Intuition does not try to convince you. It just tells you the answer to your question and then it’s quiet. It’s not invested in being listened to. Intuition does not talk back to your questions: “but what if …” The “what if” is the voice of the ego contradicting the intuition.

Stay with the first hint.

Get up and start taking the first step in the direction of the hint you have received.

You are on your way to solving your problem the best way for you and to achieving the desired result!

Enjoy the process. It works for me.
Please let me know if it works for you too.

Carla Tara

“How can it be possible?” he asked me in disbelief during the session.

There could be several reasons.  Just to mention a few:

She might have felt ashamed of it as many women do when they grow up, believing that their sex center is “dirty.”

Perhaps the first man who did oral on her might have stimulated her clitoris too soon and too hard, and it might have been rather painful to her.

I remember seeing his eyes widen at my answer, so I asked him about his approach, and from his description I understood why she did not like it.

Immediately he asked me if I could teach him how to give oral pleasure to a woman.

I explained that the tiny clitoris has thousands of nerve endings, and that it should be approached gently and slowly at first, otherwise the sensation gets too intense, and can even become painful. Some women want other parts of their yoni stimulated first, before going to the clitoris.

The best approach begins with taking time to connect with her first by looking into her eyes, and then synchronizing your breath with her. By doing that, you can penetrate her soul, and go places with her you might not have reached before.

Once you have connected with her through the eye and the breath, move your attention to her body. Start breathing on the yoni before you move on to touching it with your tongue, softly at first.

Keep monitoring her facial expression and her body reaction to your approach. You can also ask about her experience, if you are not sure what her facial expression wants to tell you.

Most women like to be brought to a place of wanting more instead having to pull back because it’s too intense. When the yoni opens up more, then you can increase the firmness gradually.

The more attention you pay to your lover’s expression and adjust your giving accordingly, the more you can heighten her pleasure and your enjoyment in riding the waves of ecstasy with her.

Now, calling me a month later, this young man proudly announced that his girlfriend reaches several orgasms when he gives her oral attention. He told me that his highest pleasure was to see her in ecstasy, and he was so grateful for the teaching he had received from me.

However, Tantra is not a religion. Tantra does not require anyone to follow any dogma. Rather, it encourages us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements that surround us, and the spirit that we all share.

To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body. This helps us clear blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into altered states of consciousness. There we can transcend our everyday self-identification, and we can get a glimpse of our true larger reality. This includes the body, and goes beyond to include “all that is.” It’s a state of great expansion and orgasmic pleasure that surpasses by far the short-lived ejaculatory orgasm that many are accustomed to.

There are many wonderful books on Tantra, and reading can open your mind up to Tantra, but in order to actually engage in the journey, I think the best way to start is with a good guide. Why do many people need a guide? Some books can be confusing and no matter how well written they can never express the warmth and guidance of a real knowledgeable professional who can transmit her energy and knowledge to the seekers who are open to receive it.

If you want to prepare for a really high Tantric experience with each other, it is also essential to start by taking time to connect and catch up with emotional issues that might linger unexpressed. People often leave these issues unsaid because of some common rationalizations, such as “I don’t want to start a fight with her” or “he’s not ready to hear me.” But when we leave these emotions hidden, they become a hindrance to the moving of erotic energy, and end up suppressing our passion for each other. Paying attention to each other and really listening to each other’s concerns is essential. Learning how to “make love grow” becomes especially imperative if you did not see good models for this process while growing up.

Over time, most of us fall into a sex routine that becomes boring and depleting instead of nurturing, and does not deserve the name of love making. Making love tantrically allows you to achieve high pleasure for the body, and great satisfaction for your emotions and spirit. It is deeply nourishing and bonding and always new, because it is taking place in each moment, as you respond to each other with honesty and support.

Making love this way becomes a priority in a relationship. Great lovemaking restores and/or adds harmony, peace and joy to everyone else you interact with too. It is worth the time and the investment you make in learning how to achieve this hot and relaxing Tantric space, a door through which you can enter into a new, higher, more expanded you on your way to Enlightenment.

I hope this brief overview of this wonderful art has stimulated your imagination and creativity to explore new avenues for your sexuality.