Easier because we have everything closer at hand, complicated because we have many choices available and only limited time to study them and to pursue them.

We have to deal with: “what is the best way to deal with this? Who is right? Who can help us meet our challenges or solve our problems?” 
What about if I make wrong choices because I have not studied the problem enough, or I’ve not asked the right people? What is ‘enough’? Who is the best person that can counsel?

All of these decisions and indecision can be very stressful.

At these times, we may remember to trust our intuition. But how are we going to recognize what is intuition and what is just a strong desire to get past the painful problem solving time?

It gets especially painful when choices have to do with our health, our relationships and our job. The temptation to move fast in the hope of getting out of the pain of non-decision can be great, especially for dynamic personalities, but fast might not be the best move.

I suggest that you study 3 different good sources of information. There is something special about the number 3.

What do I mean by good sources? I mean generally recognized as valuable sources. Not just a friend or a family member, but recognized experts.

Then let go of the search, and take time for yourself to get into the core of your being where you are one with all that exists.

• Do some body movements and stretching to relax the body
• Lie down on a couch or mat and close your eyes
• Visualize you are sitting in a room full of light. Give that light the color that represents love for you
• Imagine every cells of your body soaking up the color of love
• Do the Tantric Ocean Breath for about 10 minutes to get the energy moving
• Pleasure your body with the same passion you would pleasure your lover
• Do so until your body starts vibrating with energy and perhaps even moving in waves
• Ride the orgasmic waves that are happening spontaneously
• Enjoy the feeling of abandon
• Get to a space of gratitude that you have a body
• Then rest and ask yourself the question you want an answer to
• Listen to the first answer you perceive

Intuition does not try to convince you. It just tells you the answer to your question and then it’s quiet. It’s not invested in being listened to. Intuition does not talk back to your questions: “but what if …” The “what if” is the voice of the ego contradicting the intuition.

Stay with the first hint.

Get up and start taking the first step in the direction of the hint you have received.

You are on your way to solving your problem the best way for you and to achieving the desired result!

Enjoy the process. It works for me.
Please let me know if it works for you too.

Carla Tara

“How can it be possible?” he asked me in disbelief during the session.

There could be several reasons.  Just to mention a few:

She might have felt ashamed of it as many women do when they grow up, believing that their sex center is “dirty.”

Perhaps the first man who did oral on her might have stimulated her clitoris too soon and too hard, and it might have been rather painful to her.

I remember seeing his eyes widen at my answer, so I asked him about his approach, and from his description I understood why she did not like it.

Immediately he asked me if I could teach him how to give oral pleasure to a woman.

I explained that the tiny clitoris has thousands of nerve endings, and that it should be approached gently and slowly at first, otherwise the sensation gets too intense, and can even become painful. Some women want other parts of their yoni stimulated first, before going to the clitoris.

The best approach begins with taking time to connect with her first by looking into her eyes, and then synchronizing your breath with her. By doing that, you can penetrate her soul, and go places with her you might not have reached before.

Once you have connected with her through the eye and the breath, move your attention to her body. Start breathing on the yoni before you move on to touching it with your tongue, softly at first.

Keep monitoring her facial expression and her body reaction to your approach. You can also ask about her experience, if you are not sure what her facial expression wants to tell you.

Most women like to be brought to a place of wanting more instead having to pull back because it’s too intense. When the yoni opens up more, then you can increase the firmness gradually.

The more attention you pay to your lover’s expression and adjust your giving accordingly, the more you can heighten her pleasure and your enjoyment in riding the waves of ecstasy with her.

Now, calling me a month later, this young man proudly announced that his girlfriend reaches several orgasms when he gives her oral attention. He told me that his highest pleasure was to see her in ecstasy, and he was so grateful for the teaching he had received from me.

However, Tantra is not a religion. Tantra does not require anyone to follow any dogma. Rather, it encourages us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements that surround us, and the spirit that we all share.

To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body. This helps us clear blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into altered states of consciousness. There we can transcend our everyday self-identification, and we can get a glimpse of our true larger reality. This includes the body, and goes beyond to include “all that is.” It’s a state of great expansion and orgasmic pleasure that surpasses by far the short-lived ejaculatory orgasm that many are accustomed to.

There are many wonderful books on Tantra, and reading can open your mind up to Tantra, but in order to actually engage in the journey, I think the best way to start is with a good guide. Why do many people need a guide? Some books can be confusing and no matter how well written they can never express the warmth and guidance of a real knowledgeable professional who can transmit her energy and knowledge to the seekers who are open to receive it.

If you want to prepare for a really high Tantric experience with each other, it is also essential to start by taking time to connect and catch up with emotional issues that might linger unexpressed. People often leave these issues unsaid because of some common rationalizations, such as “I don’t want to start a fight with her” or “he’s not ready to hear me.” But when we leave these emotions hidden, they become a hindrance to the moving of erotic energy, and end up suppressing our passion for each other. Paying attention to each other and really listening to each other’s concerns is essential. Learning how to “make love grow” becomes especially imperative if you did not see good models for this process while growing up.

Over time, most of us fall into a sex routine that becomes boring and depleting instead of nurturing, and does not deserve the name of love making. Making love tantrically allows you to achieve high pleasure for the body, and great satisfaction for your emotions and spirit. It is deeply nourishing and bonding and always new, because it is taking place in each moment, as you respond to each other with honesty and support.

Making love this way becomes a priority in a relationship. Great lovemaking restores and/or adds harmony, peace and joy to everyone else you interact with too. It is worth the time and the investment you make in learning how to achieve this hot and relaxing Tantric space, a door through which you can enter into a new, higher, more expanded you on your way to Enlightenment.

I hope this brief overview of this wonderful art has stimulated your imagination and creativity to explore new avenues for your sexuality.

In this state, our bodies are relaxed, full of potential energy, producing an environment in our bodies where health and vitality explode in each cell. We feel fully satisfied and joyous.

In the moment of orgasm the soul is restored to its original essence of peace and oneness. The quality of an orgasm depends on how deeply you connect with your partner. As you know, some ejaculatory orgasms are superficial: they just relieve the tension created through fast masturbation or, for women, clitoral stimulation. This is not the orgasm I’m talking about here. I am referring to deeply connecting Tantric orgasms.

For a woman I mean g spot and cervical orgasms. And both can be blended with clitoral orgasm. To reach any of these orgasms, trust and emotional connection are essential. Many of you already know about the g spot, which we in Tantra call Goddess spot. The cervical orgasm is even deeper and more powerful, and it is usually achieved after a longer period of stimulation.

For a man, I mean an orgasm that comes both from his body being fully turned on – not just the lingam – and from his soul being fully involved with his female lover. Tantric tools help the man to reach these high quality orgasms. For more on this, see my article Male Multiple Full-Body Orgasms.

Bathed in a radiant/peaceful “afterglow” you can now both integrate your love on a deeper level as you realize you are one. You are realizing the truth of each moment: “we always are ONE”,and there is deep relaxation, ecstasy, peace and safety in the experience of this reality.

We enjoy the deep connection for a while – how long depends by each individual preference and need. However, since we live in the world of opposites, there is an opposite urge for autonomy and individuality at work within in each of us, and soon the urge to separate takes the front seat in our consciousness, driving us to separate once again. In this physical reality, if we are always at peace and in perfect balance we can get bored. We exist in this world as a result of opposites: day and night, light and dark, men and women, and living here fully mean playing the erotic game of oneness and separation. So we build up magnetism to attract the complementary polarity; if we are in the male energy, we attract the female and vice-versa. It is this play between the urge to unify and the urge to separate that creates the dance of intimacy. Tantra shows you how to become masters at it.

We, both men and women, have a mixture of feminine and masculine energies. The masculine in us feels its bliss in freedom and emptiness. Bliss for the feminine consists of mastering change, stirring up energy, flowing with the waves, being the wind that makes the leaves dance, the hurricane, the volcanic eruptions, the explosion of life in spring, the birth of life from her body.

The healthy masculine is driven to achieve some high goals. When he has achieved them he has the freedom from needing to do something so he can rest in emptiness: nothing to do – or for some to do something out of joy, not out of necessity; even in lovemaking the masculine part of us works until it releases the tension often through ejaculation and then hangs out in “nothingness”, perhaps tuning out in front of a TV set, or some other mindless entertainment.

All religions founded by men have in some form or another as an important goal redemption (recovering freedom) and eternal peace. On the other hand, matriarchal societies have produced Tantra and other systems celebratory of love and connection. Celebration of spring is another way the feminine celebrates. Beltane is a time of celebration and fertility rites.

The healthy feminine expresses itself though changes, shades of light and shadows, alternating moods — from joy to crying if she’s deeply touched by the presence of the masculine, and his attention to her. The feminine is in touch with what happens in her body, moving her body in waves of pleasure and making sounds according to the power of the waves she feels within her body.

The masculine can ride with her achieving his goal of emptiness when his attention is fully in her so that he becomes her. He enjoys the feminine in all her expressions when he can be so present to her. The feminine feels complete when the presence of the masculine is complete.

When this happens both female and male are in ecstasy and can reach the highest orgasms that are the celebration of the reunion between the two polarities. This intense, juicy celebration of our physical reality takes us to ecstatic places beyond the physical reality. This excursion into the reality of who we are is essential for the health of our human experience. During orgasms oxytocin, a hormone that creates bonding, is being released. The immune system is being stimulated and strengthened, blood circulation brought to all capillaries, flooding us with energy and rejuvenation.

People who achieve these kinds of orgasm have a bounce in their steps, a more positive attitude and attract more abundance with fewer struggles. They usually look 10 to 20 years younger when they reach their 50s and 60s.

By the way, if you have never heard of the TED Conference, it is an annual gathering where speakers are invited to present for less than 20 minutes on their discoveries, thoughts, and art. It is a gathering of the most remarkable thinkers, artists, and scientists on the planet. And all the presentations are available online at the website. Go visit! You will be amazed, entertained, and uplifted.

Ciao,
Carla

As though she had heard my thought, she said, “I do enjoy spending time with myself; I usually read a book, dance by myself, or play my guitar. But today I’ve decided to do something to have others feel enjoyment about being alive.” 
“So I’ve decided to go to an old folks home to help the people there to feel some joy. Many old people have been parked at a home and seldom see their loved ones.”

What Marylyn said made me realize that when you are alone there is a tendency to interpret this as if you are not loved. Marylyn distinguished between being alone and being lonely. Alone can be a high state where you feel united with your higher self and with others spiritually; lonely is a state of feeling separate.

Marylyn went to the old folks home and showed the old folks a good connecting breathing exercise that she had learned in my Tantra class. They especially loved making a sexy sound on their exhalation. When she saw great aliveness coming back into these people, she started playing old songs which they could relate to. They loved them.

They started singing along, and feeling energized and connected with each other through the music that they shared. Soon their innate vitality came through clearly, sharing bright smiles to each other and to Marylyn.

Marylyn was beaming, her heart overflowing with joy for being able to be a catalyst for so much love. Her own enthusiasm for life and for music was beaming from every cell of her body.

Marylyn had a Tantric experience, as she put it. Her heart opened up very wide, and she felt energy spiraling up her spine similar to when she had sex with her lover. She realized that you don’t have to touch genitals to have a tantric experience. This realization was coming to her as a thank you from the Goddess in her for her dedication to sharing her love unconditionally.

Another friend called me later to tell me that her lover came to visit her from far away unexpectedly and sparks were flying. She asked me for advice on how to deal with so much energy. Of course, the advice I gave her is to take deeper breaths and connect with each with a slower approach to lovemaking. Take time to kiss slowly while looking into each other’s eyes. To enjoy each sensation of each touch or love expression as though your whole bodies are melting into each other.

How was your Valentine’s Day? If it was not what you wanted, know you have the choice to create one every day.

Our faces came together as though gently pulled by a magnet until our lips touched. His lips felt like velvet and I instinctively to feel wetted my lips to absorb more of his essence. Then he stopped and deepened his breath sucking in the flavor of my lips. Then he gently touched them with the tip of his tongue as if searching for an entrance. But he did not force his tongue into my mouth. He took time, looking into my eyes with burning passion that he was building up as he waited to savor my lips.

I was trembling with excitement and I started kissing his lower lips. That was the signal for his kiss to become more intense. I was ready. . . he took my upper lip into a wet embrace and sucked on it with different intensity for a long time. My whole body vibrated and I felt juices flowing.

We were not in a hurry to stick our tongues into each other’s mouth. Why rush? Our lips provided a wonderful entrance into each other’s souls. We opened our eyes together and the energy skyrocketed to the point that my mouth opened instinctively to receive his tongue deeply. It felt like intercourse. Without words, we continued the dance of the tongue for what seemed like an eternity. Our bodies became very hot . . . time stood still. Now I finally knew the power of a kiss . . . The tingling sensations were running through my body and rivers of energy were flowing up and down my spine.

Do you remember your first great kiss? Are you taking time to give and receive delicious kisses to savor the new person that you are? Do you like tuning in to the subtle differences that your kiss brings to you each day?

Now that I know Tantra I realize how important the kiss is in love making. The throat center (mouth and ears) has a direct connection with the sex center. When you kiss, you secrete hormones that turn you on sexually and your saliva becomes rich with these hormones. Drinking each other’s charged saliva is called the Libation kiss.

You might want to try it… It works no matter what age you are.

Francesca Gentille, host of “Sex, Tantra, and Kama Sutra,” interviews Carla about Tantra as a healing process, and a rejuvenation and relationship tool.

Learn how Tantra moves beyond psychotherapy to develop the emotional-physical bond and rejuvenates the body and mind. Carla explains how to work with a Tantrika, convenient rituals you can do at home to establish deep connection with your lover, and how to use Tantric communication to open your heart to more connected and authentic sex.

Listen to the podcast >>

Read the interview transcript >>

These people live a Tantric life whether or not they have studied the Tantric secrets. 

Some people are directly attuned to this knowledge. After all, the entire knowledge of the whole universe comes through to us if our mind is open and quiet enough to let it in. To receive the knowledge you have to have a firm intention to receive it, and a mind that is strong and flexible enough be open to it.

If your mind tends to be scattered, or stuck in old paradigms, Tantric training can help you. Tantra can also help if you have a job that requires you to be “inside your mind” a lot.

Through tantric training you learn to focus your mind on what works to achieve the deepest connection with body, mind and spirit. You are paying attention to the sensations in your body and you breathe deeply so they expand into higher excitement.

You are letting go of all thoughts based on comparisons, you are letting go of goals of performance, and you trust your natural sexuality, which is not mind-driven.

Sexual performance remains vigorous since you can sustain the excitement of riding the waves preceding the ejaculation much longer than you used to before practicing Tantra.

And yet, there is more to Tantra than enhanced sexual relationships. A Tantric lifestyle is all-encompassing, and includes more flexibility in mind and body, radiant health, feeling more youthful, and higher self-esteem. All of this serves to enhance both the work life and the family life. Health, flexibility, enhanced sexuality, and youthfulness become a self-feeding loop, constantly leading to higher vitality and inner satisfaction.

Those who understand and practice the Tantric principles realize that they have found the true Fountain of Youth.

Staying aware when you are very turned on physically is challenging, but incredibly rewarding. When you learn to stay aware of all that you are during the moments of highest excitement , you are in a Tantic state, a state of union between the male and female energy, between the body, the mind and the spirit, and the emotions flow freely and unencumbered like a river between the different levels.

It is a state of pleasure and deep enjoyment, a celebration of being fully alive in the NOW. When you are in this state, time stays still, and your experience of bliss is stretched and intense. The now is eternal. That is why the experience that Tantric love brings is always fresh and new.