Men are usually faster than women getting to places where they are tempted to ejaculate so I will concentrate on guiding men. If you are a woman who get sexually turned on faster than your man, this is for you, too.

For men, your woman’s breathing is the most essential guide that will tell you where your woman is in her process of getting turned. She will hopefully be using the Ocean Breath, a fluid natural breath. When her breathing becomes deep and she makes sounds of pleasure, you know she’s there with you. Until then, you need to match her breathing and feel where she is.

The breath is the most important telltale sign to guide you to her state of arousal. If she’s suspending her breath, that is she starts holding her breath –making her inhalation and exhalation irregular– that could mean her thinking is taking her away from the moment, away from the sensations that your touch is stimulating. It might be too much for her in that moment, but you don’t have to be a mind reader! Her breath will tell you where she is.

When her breath does not harmonize with your breath, then it is wise to invite her attention to the moment by saying something nice to her. For example: “Honey, you are so sexy! When you look at me you transfer all that beautiful energy into me … When you look at me I get so… turned on.”

Or if your wife is in her menopausal or post menopausal years and starts feeling low self-esteem, you might say to her: “Your skin is so soft and glowing right now. I love you so much I would not exchange you even for 2 eighteen year olds!”

Comments like this will definitely get her attention back whatever you do, whether you touch her, kiss her or perform oral loving on her. As the giver, keep consciously sending your love energy to her.
A touch without loving intention remains superficial, no matter how good it is. When you add your love to it, it can go directly into her heart.

As you know, it is when the woman feels loved that she can fully open up sexually. The key to her sexuality is her heart. You can also make loving commitments loudly. The 3 most important words in the dictionary of love are still: “I love you!” Tell her, ” You are the most important person in my life… “ and she will respond with her heart and her body.

Tantric sex is not about reaching the point of no return and ejaculating. It’s about going beyond the point of no return, and surfing the waves of pleasure together. Enjoy!

Photo by Kait Curran Palmer.

Easier because we have everything closer at hand, complicated because we have many choices available and only limited time to study them and to pursue them.

We have to deal with: “what is the best way to deal with this? Who is right? Who can help us meet our challenges or solve our problems?” 
What about if I make wrong choices because I have not studied the problem enough, or I’ve not asked the right people? What is ‘enough’? Who is the best person that can counsel?

All of these decisions and indecision can be very stressful.

At these times, we may remember to trust our intuition. But how are we going to recognize what is intuition and what is just a strong desire to get past the painful problem solving time?

It gets especially painful when choices have to do with our health, our relationships and our job. The temptation to move fast in the hope of getting out of the pain of non-decision can be great, especially for dynamic personalities, but fast might not be the best move.

I suggest that you study 3 different good sources of information. There is something special about the number 3.

What do I mean by good sources? I mean generally recognized as valuable sources. Not just a friend or a family member, but recognized experts.

Then let go of the search, and take time for yourself to get into the core of your being where you are one with all that exists.

• Do some body movements and stretching to relax the body
• Lie down on a couch or mat and close your eyes
• Visualize you are sitting in a room full of light. Give that light the color that represents love for you
• Imagine every cells of your body soaking up the color of love
• Do the Tantric Ocean Breath for about 10 minutes to get the energy moving
• Pleasure your body with the same passion you would pleasure your lover
• Do so until your body starts vibrating with energy and perhaps even moving in waves
• Ride the orgasmic waves that are happening spontaneously
• Enjoy the feeling of abandon
• Get to a space of gratitude that you have a body
• Then rest and ask yourself the question you want an answer to
• Listen to the first answer you perceive

Intuition does not try to convince you. It just tells you the answer to your question and then it’s quiet. It’s not invested in being listened to. Intuition does not talk back to your questions: “but what if …” The “what if” is the voice of the ego contradicting the intuition.

Stay with the first hint.

Get up and start taking the first step in the direction of the hint you have received.

You are on your way to solving your problem the best way for you and to achieving the desired result!

Enjoy the process. It works for me.
Please let me know if it works for you too.

Carla Tara

As though she had heard my thought, she said, “I do enjoy spending time with myself; I usually read a book, dance by myself, or play my guitar. But today I’ve decided to do something to have others feel enjoyment about being alive.” 
“So I’ve decided to go to an old folks home to help the people there to feel some joy. Many old people have been parked at a home and seldom see their loved ones.”

What Marylyn said made me realize that when you are alone there is a tendency to interpret this as if you are not loved. Marylyn distinguished between being alone and being lonely. Alone can be a high state where you feel united with your higher self and with others spiritually; lonely is a state of feeling separate.

Marylyn went to the old folks home and showed the old folks a good connecting breathing exercise that she had learned in my Tantra class. They especially loved making a sexy sound on their exhalation. When she saw great aliveness coming back into these people, she started playing old songs which they could relate to. They loved them.

They started singing along, and feeling energized and connected with each other through the music that they shared. Soon their innate vitality came through clearly, sharing bright smiles to each other and to Marylyn.

Marylyn was beaming, her heart overflowing with joy for being able to be a catalyst for so much love. Her own enthusiasm for life and for music was beaming from every cell of her body.

Marylyn had a Tantric experience, as she put it. Her heart opened up very wide, and she felt energy spiraling up her spine similar to when she had sex with her lover. She realized that you don’t have to touch genitals to have a tantric experience. This realization was coming to her as a thank you from the Goddess in her for her dedication to sharing her love unconditionally.

Another friend called me later to tell me that her lover came to visit her from far away unexpectedly and sparks were flying. She asked me for advice on how to deal with so much energy. Of course, the advice I gave her is to take deeper breaths and connect with each with a slower approach to lovemaking. Take time to kiss slowly while looking into each other’s eyes. To enjoy each sensation of each touch or love expression as though your whole bodies are melting into each other.

How was your Valentine’s Day? If it was not what you wanted, know you have the choice to create one every day.

Hormones become unbalanced. For women, estrogen production diminishes, and for men, testosterone levels can plunge quite low. Emotionally, both men and women can become irritable for no apparent reason. Skin becomes thinner and loses elasticity. Sound sleeping becomes a thing of the past. For women there are more drastic temperature changes and a real fear of getting old enters the psyche of both men and women.

In our society, menopause is more clearly defined perhaps because it is really obvious when menstruation stops. Women usually deal better than men with these changes. They are more inclined to talk to other women about it, and to look for information and medical support to re-establish hormonal balance.

Few men, however, are aware that similar changes are also happening for them. This period is called andropause. Men often seem to take their decline in libido and occasional erectile dysfunction personally and think that something is wrong with them.

Thanks to Viagra they now can fix problem -as long as they don’t have health problems that would impede them from taking Viagra or a similar substance. The problem with Viagra is that it does not take care of the emotional and spiritual connection that by now most men are longing for. I believe nature sets us up to be quite sexually active in our younger years to give birth to children when we are in our physical prime, and then it slows us down in order to take more time to go into real intimacy and connection to experience union of heart and spirit as well.

That’s when Tantra comes in to help. It bring the bright news that men can have the greatest of pleasure with multiple body orgasms while they deepen the connection with their lovers and learn to ride the wives of the female orgasm until they are very fulfilled. When women are thus fulfilled, they love to take care of their men and they can ride the male orgasms and take them all the way if they both want it. Ejaculation at that point becomes a choice.

Tantra connects sexual energy with heart energy to create a feast of pleasure that, when young, you might not have taken the time or you did not have the wisdom to delight in. Tantra offers excellent tools that you can absorb and apply in your love life with greatly pleasurable results to celebrate your midlife and beyond.

More time to invest in living more romantically, more passionately, more consciously the best years of your lives with the added wisdom and compassion that you have acquired through your life experience.
Of course, part of the wisdom is to health healthy, food, take deep breaths and connect with one another. And that is Tantric Wisdom.

Tantra offers the recipe for a more fulfilled life.

Before starting any diet or exercise regimen, consult your health professional. Since we are all different, it is your responsibility to observe reactions and changes in your own body and take the necessary precautions to protect your physical, emotional and spiritual health.

Sexual attractiveness is based not on looks, but on that radiance which comes from breathing deeply, taking adequate time for rest, eating the right foods at the right time of day, and from keeping your spine and legs as flexible as possible. The best healer is the body itself. If you listen to your body, it will tell you how to heal itself.

Points to pay attention to:

The metabolism is sluggish in the early morning, but very efficient from 10:00am to 2:00pm. The last meal of the day should be around 7:00pm. If you need to eat something later, eat only fruit, which is digested in the intestines. The stomach needs a night of “fast”; that is why we call the first meal of the day a break of the fast–”breakfast.”

Chewing–at least 10 times before swallowing (the yogis chew 32 times, one for each tooth!!)–is essential for good digestion. Digestion starts in the mouth. Besides, each time you chew, you send a message to your brain that you are being nourished and it imagines that you eat more than you actually do. The more you chew, the less food you need to eat. The stomach should be only three-quarters full, to allow for best digestion.

When the cells age or become damaged, raw fruits and vegetables will rejuvenate them. They are the best sources for vitamins and minerals and they contain water distilled by the sun.

Eat a good balance of “favorable” carbohydrates originating from vegetables and fruits. Avoid white sugar and white flour (refined and bleached, as used in white breads) which have been depleted of all the vitamins and minerals we need.

Eat protein from nuts, seeds and–in moderation–from eggs and free-ranging chickens, lambs or cows, as they aren’t fed with antibiotics and aren’t restricted in place without movement just to fatten them quickly. Certain combinations of beans and grains form a chain of complete protein and are broken down by the digestive system into all the essential amino acids. Soy beans are the only beans that have all the essential amino acids.

Eat essential fatty acids–the best coming from fish oil (salmon), and olive oil–which help produce the good cholesterol used by the body to produce hormones.

Avoid table salt, which is stripped of potassium, and use sea salt (available in health food stores). Avoid sugar because it makes the pancreas secrete abnormally high quantities of insulin and causes the adrenal glands to become depleted. (You want highly productive adrenal glands because they produce sex hormones.)

Avoid caffeine, because it strains your nervous system by making you feel high and then dropping your energy level much lower than it was before. Furthermore, it steals calcium from your body.

Because the digestive system performs best when the sun is high in the sky (whether it is sunny or not), the bulk of your eating should take place between 10:00am and 2:00pm. If you are meeting a client for a big dinner, the extra energy used for digestion will diminish the energy supply available for sex that night.

If you feel a strong need to take in sugar or excessively fatty foods because your body is not quite balanced yet, do so between 10:00am and 2:00pm. After three weeks of following these suggestions, you will have lost the desire for sugar or fat-laden foods. Overeating or eating the wrong foods is like putting wet wood on the fire.

Abdominal breathing helps production of hormones and enzymes needed by the body. It helps your digestion and reduces stress, which adversely affects production of sex hormones. Both upper and lower body need exercise to stay healthy and aid deep breathing and digestion.

Use flower essences, because they transfer subtle energy that resonates with human feelings and emotions and can help in cases of anxiety and even low self-esteem. The best on the market are the Young Living Essential Oils, which I use in my healing practice. They use oils that are even recommended in the Bible. (If you wish to acquire these, or want more information on their use, please call me.)

NB: Good Nutrition cannot be separated from the rest of your life. Rest helps restore all your bodily functions, including those of the digestive system. When you feel peaceful within, everything works better. Therefore, you go to bed, meditate on your day and come to peace with all the events therein. Ask God to help you be even more aware and loving the next day. Take at least 20 deep abdominal breaths, and your sleep will be peaceful and restorative.

Healing means becoming whole. Healing happens when we are in pleasure. When we connect with ourselves or with our lover in pleasure, we integrate the sometimes incomplete, unfinished experience with our higher mind. When that integration happens, the knowledge of what we have learned and experienced is transmitted to every cell of the body and we heal on a cellular level.

However, on some days a traumatic experience such as a betrayal or abandonment might have happened that is so powerful that it cannot be fully integrated when it happens. The rational mind cannot deal with that alone. In fact, often a powerful experience actually stirs up additional previous betrayals or abandonment experiences that you did not fully integrate when they happened the first time.

When we fall asleep in pleasure, the rational mind is satisfied and relaxed just enough that previous unintegrated hurtful experiences can come up from the mental storage we send them to when we are not safe enough to feel them yet, and now they can be dealt with in our dreams. When you fall asleep in pleasure, healing can happens whether you remember your dreams or not.

In dreams, the walls of time we have created are collapsed and we can go back to even preverbal times when we used our own intimate form of proto-language. An example of this type of personal self communication (proto language) could be described as the preverbal sounds gestures or drawings that children use to express themselves and create during play. They use it to create connections that fulfill the mind’s need for integration to contextualize emotions and experiences that arise during the day.

These types of proto languages are also at the basis of art therapy.

For instance, if children see their parents fighting they might react emotionally using a form of proto language. Dreams can also use this and the symbolic language of the collective unconscious, which Carl Jung made us aware of.

That is why it is important to go to bed relaxed, having dealt with your day as best as you can. Taking a shower, communicating with your lover if something is left unexpressed, drinking water so the body can be functioning smoothly during the night, all of this contributes to preparing the space for sleep to be fully refreshing and healing.

Tantra, the art and science of conscious living and loving, suggests that before going to bed we also connect with our sex center. After communicating and soul gazing with your lover, it’s good to honor each other genitals, which can be lingam or yoni massage with your hands or with your mouth (kissing) or just gently touching each other’s bodies.

If you are alone, make love to yourself or do a Mudra, which is: place one hand on your genitals and one on your heart, thus establishing the connection between pleasure and love, the greatest healer of all.

In these difficult times of financial upheaval and uncertainty about the political future of America… it takes awareness and courage to stay centered in the heart. Awareness that we can connect with the Divine in us instead of being bound by the maze that keeps threading the mill, stuck in the survival sphere.

When the temptation to be discouraged hits me I call a friend who needs support and help her/him shift even for a brief moment to be see that support is available.  That simple act of helping my friend actually helped me make a shift in consciousness to see the positive.

No matter how unsettled our life is, it is very precious.  Make time to hug and to tell someone you care.   Equally important, especially for the givers among us, is to make sure that you cherish the hug and the support  that is available to you.

I’m sure there are other ways to shift consciousness. This approach worked well for me today.

I enjoy learning about my friends paradigm shifting moments.

Would you share with us a recent opportunity where you choose to shift your consciousness and intention?