First, relax all your facial muscles. A tense face makes tense lips – you want your lips and mouth to be open and welcoming. So, close your eyes for a moment, breathe deeply into your belly, and let go.

Now, kiss your partner’s upper lip (Yang). Use both your lips to embrace their upper lip. Let your lips be open and full. Suck gently.

Now, kiss your partner’s lower lip (Yin). Fully enjoy all the sensations. Explore the rich softness of your lover’s lip.

Now, kiss your partner’s lips together. The full embrace. Feel how their excitement is building.  Do their lips quiver? Are they parted to invite you in?

A kiss is like the first movement of a lovemaking symphony.In every sigh and quiver of your partner’s lips, you can feel as you lift their desire, slowly, building to the first touch, the next touch. . . As you take your time to fully experience the kiss together, you are building even more sexual energy to bring forth in your lovemaking, or to hold at a high level of vibration to energize you in all the parts of your life.

Try each of the following modalities:

Gently touch your lips to your lover’s lips.

Exhale while kissing.

Inhale while kissing.

Gently bite your lover’s lips.

Kiss your lover’s mouth at an angle.

Explore your lover’s mouth with your tongue.

Caress your lover’s upper lip frenulum with your tongue. The frenulum is the small ridge at the middle of the lip on the inside. This can be a very sensitive spot for many people.

Twine your tongue all around your lover’s tongue.

Absorb the nectar from your lover’s mouth with a libation kiss. This is especially sweet when a man
practices it at the moment of the woman’s orgasm.

They see great sculptures on Tantric temples depicting several people making love to each other, which I admit looks like an orgy.  However it’s far from being an orgy, and is really a higher level of expression of sexual/spiritual love. I want to shed light on the issue to encourage people  who might avoid Tantra, thinking that it is about orgies, to actually take a closer look at Tantra.

The safest way to practice Tantra is within a couple committed to a succulent, conscious life that has growth as its core.  It takes time to nurture a relationship until one feels safe and trusting enough to consciously extend one’s love to others.  Tantra counsels you should not rush into it.

While some Tantric masters might make love with many lovers, it is done so consciously and with the complete approval and comfort of all participants to heighten the energy.  However, it is not an orgy.
Usually orgies are about having sex with people without connecting on a spiritual and emotional level.  Or about enjoying watching someone having sex without risking doing it.  Most people in orgies grab a breast or a buttock and don’t care whom it belongs to as long as it is pleasurable for them.  Women are often objectified.  Some of them don’t like it, and still put themselves in these situations to please their husband or lover; some of them like being objectified because of the harmful way they were treated in their first sexual encounter.  For these women, orgies are a way of perpetrating that original hurt caused by lack of love.  Tantra is not about objectification by any means.

Tantra is about being conscious of the person you are connecting with and asking permission to touch, or kiss, or expressing your sexuality in any other way.  Tantric lovers take time to soul gaze, that is, to connect with the essence of the person they are going to make love to, opening up the whole chakra system and communicating to create safety so that the power of the excitement can be transformed into higher love.  The higher the expression of passion based on safety, the higher the love and spiritual connection can go and the deeper you can enter into intimacy.

When two lovers feel very safe with each other (no fear of losing each other) then they might choose to expand that to other people they feel a connection with, always establishing first what the boundaries are, and making sure that they will be respected.  If one of the participants in this poly group starts feeling uncomfortable, those feelings are taken into consideration immediately and steps taken to restore safety. Poly is short for polyamory, which means loving consciously more than one person.

Tantric polyamory encounters are usually lead by a professional who can intervene in the case of someone not respecting the boundaries.  This professional, usually an experienced Tantrika, can suggest how to make the encounter safer and juicier and bring the whole energy to a higher level.

A polyamory group encounter would start with a ritual dedicating the energy to a goal that leads to more peace and enlightenment for all beings and can be a very high expression of spiritual sex.

In conclusion, orgies are about acting out lust, Tantric lovemaking is about expressing love consciously with complete respect of all the participants, and a Tantric group setting is about transmuting that sexual energy to enlighten the spirit.

There are many other myths about Tantra, and I’ll be answering them in future posts.

Sit in front of each other on a carpet or a softer surface like a bed. One of you – usually the man – sits in a cross legged position. Invite the other – usually the woman – to sit facing you, on top of your crossed legs, with her legs curled around your back. 

Men, if having your legs crossed in front of you is difficult because your hamstrings are too tight and you feel like you are falling backwards, you can put a pillow or two under your buttocks as a wedge to help you stay forward, with your legs open.

If she needs to, she can put a pillow under her buttocks as well so that both your genitals are at approximately the same height.

Now both your torsos touch each other, and you reach your arms around each other affectionately.

You start enjoying the connection between the two of you, and you can go into an extended sensuous hug that is really fulfilling. You feel each other’s breath as a calming current.

Then pull back you head just enough to look into each other’s left eye to connect with the core of who you are, feeling your hearts and souls become one.

Look at each other from the base center of security, feeling safe with your lover;
from the sex center, feeling the stirring of sexual energy rising;
from the power center, adding power to those feelings;
from the heart center, feeling love expanding;
from the communication center, feeling the expression of love wanting to explode into words of gratefulness;
and elevating this expression into the center of intuition, the third eye.

At this point, you may feel a more complete connection and a deep desire to merge into one.

Starting lovemaking this way is awesome.  However, when you don’t have time for extended lovemaking, you can still feel closer than before, and you might be able to exchange some juicy kissing together, and continue the lovemaking after dinner.

Remember you can use Tantra to fit the needs of your life – small yet impactful practices like the Tantric hug can make such a difference in mere minutes!

Take a moment to reflect on your parents and your upbringing as a child. Make a list of what your mother and father believed about sex and love.

Now, consider the following list and answer for yourself, did you parents believe and tell you at an appropriate age that:

* sex is a gift from God and it is your right to enjoy it fully;
* sexual energy creates great pleasure and expands love;
* it is important to make love to yourself to find out what you like so you can tell your lover;
* moving sexual energy is healthy for your body, mind and spirit;
* it is your responsibly to achieve orgasms;
* you have the right to ask how you want to be touched and kissed, and where;
* you take turns in giving and receiving pleasure;
* before making love, clear out resentments that might create a bigger disturbance if not addressed;
* making love out of duty creates a rift in your soul;
* looking into each other’s eyes in a soft way increases your openness to give and receive love.

If you answered no to several of these points, or if this list is quite different from your first list of your parents’ beliefs about love and sex, you might consider doing the work of changing those beliefs into your own empowering beliefs.

Perhaps your parents themselves were never exposed to these ideas, and they might have felt shame or guilt about their own sexuality.

In that case, even if they told you all or some of the above, you might have received instead their unconscious message that sex was shameful.

That happens because as a child you live on an emotional level, so you absorb what your parents believe in their guts more than what they tell you with words, even when they believe their words at an intellectual, thinking level.

Now that you are a grown up, it is your right to check in with yourself and see where you are still unconsciously faithful to your parents’ beliefs. This may be challenging emotionally – you took in what they believed because you loved them, and changing those beliefs might feel to you like a betrayal of your love.

You can both love your parents for who they are, without judgement, and also find and own your own beliefs that will empower you to a richer and more pleasurable life.

To bring those beliefs up into the conscious mind –where beliefs can be changed –takes intention, introspection, commitment, and a special breathing which I call “Ocean Breath,” one of the most important Tantric breathing techniques.

As you know, unless the foundation of a building is firm, the building may collapse. Make sure that the foundation of your love-building is strong, so you can build it as high as you want in strength and safety.

Blessings,

Carla Tara