The most common sexual dysfunctions that men experience are: loss of desire, erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculation and impotence. Some women experience: inhibited sexual desire, lack of orgasm, insufficient lubrification and painful intercourse. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, in 2005 more than 105 million Americans reported struggling with chronic sexual dysfunctions and many of them were not aware that there is help available. Diabetes can be one of the causes of sexual dysfunctions. Also some prescription medications for depression can have a negative effect on sexual desire.

There are many causes: some of them are related to hormone production, to blocks to the flow of energy, to shallow anxious breathing and unhealthy diet, just to mention a few.

The hormonal production tends to diminish with age, and you could consult a good endocrinologist to check your hormonal production status. There is a lot of information available on the internet. It’s worth learning about it.

There are also products available that are natural, organic, that very safely stimulate the body to increase production of the body’s natural growth hormones.

What you eat and drink is also important. There are certain simple recommendations you might want to observe most of the time: eat your biggest meal between 12 and 2 PM; eat fish vegetables often; keep your stomach light at night; drink lots of water during the day. Drinking a little alcohol can help lower inhibitions, while drinking too much can inhibit sexuality.

Breathing shallowly and high in the chest is probably the most important single cause of lack of energy and anxiety during lovemaking. Through the years, we became habituated to breathe shallow breaths, often filling only the higher part of our chest where the lungs are narrow and smaller. The body brings the venous blood to the lungs to be purified and the largest veins are located on the bottom of the lungs. Venous blood contains carbon dioxide and other poisonous gases that need to be exchanged with oxygen and thus transformed into vital arterial blood that nourished and strengthens the body.

To be fully present and energetic lovers, we need to learn to breathe to facilitate this exchange as fully as possible. Tantra teaches different breaths for different purposes. Some of the most used techniques are to increase energy and to retain energy without going over the top.

However, many of the sexual dysfunctions are due to emotional issues, entrenchment into set habits, undelivered communications and resentments that could build a cold wall between couples and unconscious issues coming to the surface. A good Tantric Healer can help you look at those issues with increased energy and guide you to use this powerful Tantric tools to open up blocks and take care of unfinished issues that limit the joy of our lovemaking.

Lots of issues have been repressed and feeling rationalized instead of felt. When emotions are not expressed, blocks to the flow of energy form along the pathway where erotic energy would otherwise flow to the whole body. When blocks are present your vitality is lower and sex becomes more a “squeeze and burst” event, at best a letting go of tension instead of an exchange to deepen your love for each other.

Some men have trained themselves with techniques to “making her come” the fastest way possible so that they can “come” thus missing the opportunity for emotional connection and really fulfilling lovemaking. This way of having sex gives leaves you with a sense of immediate relief but robs you of the opportunity to use this powerful energy for deep heart connection and nurturing. Thus lovers are depriving themselves of deeper and longer pleasure that could enliven all the cells of the body. Making love could be the greatest way to “make love” grow and to live a longer, happier life.

Deep breathing helps bring emotions to the surface. “E-motion” means energy in motion. When emotions are felt sexual energy can reach higher levels riding higher and wider waives sending into ecstatic lovemaking that is really fulfilling. Sex without emotions leaves people tired, empty and sometimes sad. We instinctively know there is more to it.

Deep breathing is also a key to avoiding anxiety about performance. When your whole body tingles with aliveness and when you hear our lover breathe equally deeply, perhaps even making a sound on each exhalation, you are less prone to thinking about performance and more about riding the waves of pleasure a little longer.

Tantra offers the view that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience and as such we have infinite potential for expressing love. By adding the spiritual dimension into the lovemaking it elevates it to ecstasy and adds opens doors for infinite creativity.

As spiritual beings we have infinite potential available and therefore boredom is no longer a danger.

First, relax all your facial muscles. A tense face makes tense lips – you want your lips and mouth to be open and welcoming. So, close your eyes for a moment, breathe deeply into your belly, and let go.

Now, kiss your partner’s upper lip (Yang). Use both your lips to embrace their upper lip. Let your lips be open and full. Suck gently.

Now, kiss your partner’s lower lip (Yin). Fully enjoy all the sensations. Explore the rich softness of your lover’s lip.

Now, kiss your partner’s lips together. The full embrace. Feel how their excitement is building.  Do their lips quiver? Are they parted to invite you in?

A kiss is like the first movement of a lovemaking symphony.In every sigh and quiver of your partner’s lips, you can feel as you lift their desire, slowly, building to the first touch, the next touch. . . As you take your time to fully experience the kiss together, you are building even more sexual energy to bring forth in your lovemaking, or to hold at a high level of vibration to energize you in all the parts of your life.

Try each of the following modalities:

Gently touch your lips to your lover’s lips.

Exhale while kissing.

Inhale while kissing.

Gently bite your lover’s lips.

Kiss your lover’s mouth at an angle.

Explore your lover’s mouth with your tongue.

Caress your lover’s upper lip frenulum with your tongue. The frenulum is the small ridge at the middle of the lip on the inside. This can be a very sensitive spot for many people.

Twine your tongue all around your lover’s tongue.

Absorb the nectar from your lover’s mouth with a libation kiss. This is especially sweet when a man
practices it at the moment of the woman’s orgasm.

A variety of touches can express passion, devotion, and love.

The giver and the receiver both have their roles to play in this dance of love.

When they take turns giving and receiving, they each get a chance to lead the dance.

Guidelines for givers:

Focus on sending energy into your partner’s body, starting slowly at the invisible
aura, and gradually penetrating deeper.

Synchronize your breathing with your partner’s breathing, which can change often.

Touch your partner emotionally with your heart.

Avoid repetition by constantly changing your touching strokes’ speed, pressure and length.

Even if one touch feels especially good, move onto another area or stroke,
then come back to a favorite now and then.

Guidelines for receivers:

Relax. It’s your turn to just lie back and receive all the pleasure you can.

Focus your attention on your partner’s hands, wherever they are on your body.

Breathe slowly and deeply, depending on how your body reacts to the touches.

Enlarge your capacity to feel pleasure. You can learn to receive much more than ever before.

Give feedback to your partner, using either verbal or nonverbal communication.

In this state, our bodies are relaxed, full of potential energy, producing an environment in our bodies where health and vitality explode in each cell. We feel fully satisfied and joyous.

In the moment of orgasm the soul is restored to its original essence of peace and oneness. The quality of an orgasm depends on how deeply you connect with your partner. As you know, some ejaculatory orgasms are superficial: they just relieve the tension created through fast masturbation or, for women, clitoral stimulation. This is not the orgasm I’m talking about here. I am referring to deeply connecting Tantric orgasms.

For a woman I mean g spot and cervical orgasms. And both can be blended with clitoral orgasm. To reach any of these orgasms, trust and emotional connection are essential. Many of you already know about the g spot, which we in Tantra call Goddess spot. The cervical orgasm is even deeper and more powerful, and it is usually achieved after a longer period of stimulation.

For a man, I mean an orgasm that comes both from his body being fully turned on – not just the lingam – and from his soul being fully involved with his female lover. Tantric tools help the man to reach these high quality orgasms. For more on this, see my article Male Multiple Full-Body Orgasms.

Bathed in a radiant/peaceful “afterglow” you can now both integrate your love on a deeper level as you realize you are one. You are realizing the truth of each moment: “we always are ONE”,and there is deep relaxation, ecstasy, peace and safety in the experience of this reality.

We enjoy the deep connection for a while – how long depends by each individual preference and need. However, since we live in the world of opposites, there is an opposite urge for autonomy and individuality at work within in each of us, and soon the urge to separate takes the front seat in our consciousness, driving us to separate once again. In this physical reality, if we are always at peace and in perfect balance we can get bored. We exist in this world as a result of opposites: day and night, light and dark, men and women, and living here fully mean playing the erotic game of oneness and separation. So we build up magnetism to attract the complementary polarity; if we are in the male energy, we attract the female and vice-versa. It is this play between the urge to unify and the urge to separate that creates the dance of intimacy. Tantra shows you how to become masters at it.

We, both men and women, have a mixture of feminine and masculine energies. The masculine in us feels its bliss in freedom and emptiness. Bliss for the feminine consists of mastering change, stirring up energy, flowing with the waves, being the wind that makes the leaves dance, the hurricane, the volcanic eruptions, the explosion of life in spring, the birth of life from her body.

The healthy masculine is driven to achieve some high goals. When he has achieved them he has the freedom from needing to do something so he can rest in emptiness: nothing to do – or for some to do something out of joy, not out of necessity; even in lovemaking the masculine part of us works until it releases the tension often through ejaculation and then hangs out in “nothingness”, perhaps tuning out in front of a TV set, or some other mindless entertainment.

All religions founded by men have in some form or another as an important goal redemption (recovering freedom) and eternal peace. On the other hand, matriarchal societies have produced Tantra and other systems celebratory of love and connection. Celebration of spring is another way the feminine celebrates. Beltane is a time of celebration and fertility rites.

The healthy feminine expresses itself though changes, shades of light and shadows, alternating moods — from joy to crying if she’s deeply touched by the presence of the masculine, and his attention to her. The feminine is in touch with what happens in her body, moving her body in waves of pleasure and making sounds according to the power of the waves she feels within her body.

The masculine can ride with her achieving his goal of emptiness when his attention is fully in her so that he becomes her. He enjoys the feminine in all her expressions when he can be so present to her. The feminine feels complete when the presence of the masculine is complete.

When this happens both female and male are in ecstasy and can reach the highest orgasms that are the celebration of the reunion between the two polarities. This intense, juicy celebration of our physical reality takes us to ecstatic places beyond the physical reality. This excursion into the reality of who we are is essential for the health of our human experience. During orgasms oxytocin, a hormone that creates bonding, is being released. The immune system is being stimulated and strengthened, blood circulation brought to all capillaries, flooding us with energy and rejuvenation.

People who achieve these kinds of orgasm have a bounce in their steps, a more positive attitude and attract more abundance with fewer struggles. They usually look 10 to 20 years younger when they reach their 50s and 60s.

Most people’s perception of Tantra is limited to controlling sex so you can have it for hours and hours in strange positions. Tantra is much more than that. It includes 64 arts that support you to be the most sensitive and accomplished lover of life and of another person. It includes the art of understanding the energy flow, of communicating deeply from your feelings, the art of romance, of setting up a room that will encourage you to create a mood that takes you higher into your fullest potential of vitality and passion, and more…

l embraced Tantra fully, and I teach it passionately because it has helped me to free myself from limiting emotional conclusions about sexuality, and to accept on all levels of my being that sex is an powerful force that amplifies any intention I hold. So if you intend to increase your love or vitality or abundance, your sexual expression is doing that. If you have the intention of connecting deeply with another and experiencing bliss together, sexuality becomes a very high expression of love, and learning to become the best lover you can becomes very important. Tantra encourages you to become the ultimate lover on all levels.

Tantra is a path that successfully unites sexuality with spirituality. It is the only spiritual approach I know of that faces the sexual challenges directly and teaches us how to use sex in a safe, and powerful way. It is a path to enlightenment, which can be reached by transcending our dualistic state of mind. Often we think one thing and feel another. Tantra uses our natural sexual energy to heal the split between body and spirit, between thinking and feeling, and helps you feel whole and really fulfilled.

It is not about how many hours you spend in sexual activities, although it helps with that too if you so desire. Tantra guides you to generate, heighten and transform sexual energy to more subtle energies as you channel it up through higher energy centers in the body (chakras). With the intention of transforming this powerful energy, you can create a new you.

Chakras are wheels of energy. The Hindu tradition believes that there are seven energy wheels that need to spin freely to be fully healthy and to move the maximum amount of energy. The first chakra is situated at the base of our spine. It connects us with the earth, and when it is open and balanced we feel safe. The second chakra is about sex, fluidity, and juiciness; the third – the solar plexus – is about expression of willpower and self-esteem; the fourth – at the heart level – is about love and compassion; the fifth – at the throat level – is about free and honest communication; the sixth – at the forehead level – is about intuition;  and the seventh – in the middle of the brain – is about connection with the part of us that is beyond our personality and reaches into the spirit.

The idea of Tantra is to balance these energy centers and to raise the vibrations of pleasure from the first and second chakras to the higher chakras to express self-esteem, love, honest communication, intuition, and finally to merge with into your ultimate transcendent reality. It transforms the sexual energy that is coiled in the lower chakras into love and into light.

Tantra is also a path to complete intimacy with oneself and with another being. Many find it easier to be physically intimate than to share true emotional intimacy. We hold back on letting others see us as we are, especially the parts of us that we judge as bad. Many are more interested in learning lovemaking techniques, which Tantra offers in abundance, than to committing to emotional and spiritual intimacy and absolute honesty with a partner. It seems logical that, in order to achieve the highest state of union with All That Is, we must first be willing to be fully open with at least one human being.

Furthermore, even on a less cosmic level, in order to fully heal ourselves from the shame of our imperfect state of being human, we long for a person who loves us as we are. However, in order to be able to allow that love to penetrate us and heal us, we must first be willing to fully accept ourselves with all our desirable and undesirable qualities.

Tantra gives us plenty of suggestions about how self-acceptance can be reached, and guides you gently to go beyond self-acceptance to honor our true God self.

Sex is very important in our lives. It is a powerful creative force and it leads to orgasm. Orgasm is probably the closest some of us get to the experience of enlightenment. For a more-or-less brief moment, we get to forget ourselves, our problems, our egos, and just be with pure energy, with God.

Tantra guides you gradually to lengthen the peak experience of sexual ecstasy so that, in a way, we get to “hang out” with God longer. This expands our consciousness so that, when you come down to the dualistic plane, you see yourselves and life in a new way. You can actually experience the love that supports the whole cosmos. It is awesome.

When I started playing with the idea of making Tantra my path, I was surprised to notice my resistance to practicing it, finding “plausible” excuses not to find time for it. I remember feeling a similar resistance to my meditation practices. My resistance was confusing to me because here I had found a path that allowed me to use pleasure to reach God and I was avoiding it. Why? After some inner search I realized that this pleasure was different from the previously felt pleasure, which was mixed with pain and guilt. This, however, was pure pleasure, and I did not know how to be with it. Slowly, with a lot of patience and practice, I started to build up my capacity to sustain pure pleasure. I also had to overcome the voice of my internalized mother, who condemned me for feeling sexual pleasure in the first place.

With practice I was able to relax my body while being at the same time in a highly aroused state. Somehow these two states are not mutually exclusive, as one might be tempted to think. In Tantra one can relax because there is no issue of performance. The process itself is the reward. Only through being fully in the process can one reach the highest orgasm.

Do you necessarily need a partner for Tantra love? No. Many tantric exercises can be done alone. In fact, learning to love and honor your own body is an important step toward the tantric experience with a partner.

Tantra helped me break old taboos and heal my past emotional and physical traumas connected with my sexuality. I can now use this additional experiential knowledge to help woman, men and couples in my New York.

To my great joy there are also people who are already fully sex positive and emotionally healthy and feel great with high erotic energy flowing through their bodies. It is a pleasure to assist those people to achieve higher levels of ecstasy alone or with their partner, whether I can help them in private coaching, or in the wider sharing of a workshop.

In contrast to the “pump up and burst” type of ejaculatory orgasm that usually leaves men tired, I teach my male clients to have non-ejaculatory orgasms that build up their energy instead. Many men I’ve coached tell me they still feel their body charged with erotic energy, and they become emotionally closer to their love partner. Some report a strong sense of bonding to themselves as well. They experience themselves as more loveable, and have higher self-esteem. Thoughts and feelings are in alignment–that is, they no longer think one way and feel another. They feel at peace with themselves, and connected with the whole of life.

How Can A Man Learn To Have Multiple Orgasms?

Sometimes a man can reach a very high orgasm by accident, in which he feels his energy expand beyond his body to include his lover. Occasionally he can even reach high levels of spiritual connection as well. But without the scientific knowledge of how to reproduce these effects, achieving such results is left to chance.

Tantra, however, uses methods that can produce repeatable results when practiced correctly. An important part of the tantric approach is the understanding of energy–how it’s stirred up, expanded, and moved to different parts of the body. If a man wants to attain more control over achieving multiple orgasms without ejaculation, he’ll need to learn the tantric techniques. These can best be acquired from women who have the dedication, knowledge and experience to be tantric love coaches. These women are called Tantrikas.

If a Tantrika is unavailable in your area, you might get some very basic information from Tantra books or videotapes. But trying to learn how to have non-ejaculatory multiple orgasms from such instructional aids alone is comparable to learning to ride a bike by reading a book about bicycles. To perfect your technique, you really have to get on a bike yourself, or have a private Tantra session with an experienced Tantrika.

What Does A Tantrika Teach Men?

These techniques come to us from the ancient knowledge of Tantra, the art and science of becoming a more conscious person and lover. They include methods of concentration to tune into your body sensations, without allowing your mind to wander, or comparing this experience with others, or rushing to reach a specific goal. They include very important breathing techniques–some designed to increase sexual energy, some to surrender to that energy, and some to control that energy. Also important are techniques designed to use sound in a special way to vibrate different parts of the body to further expand that energy.

I’ve had several men tell me they were embarrassed to make sounds during lovemaking, believing only women make them. But after they’ve experienced the qualitative and quantitative differences of erotic excitement that the orgasmic sounds can produce, they accept the idea with more enthusiasm. Many of them decide to tell their love partner before lovemaking that they’ll use certain sounds to increase and lengthen their mutual pleasure. They invariably find their partners are actually turned on by those sounds.

The techniques of seven levels of movements–from the shallowest and slowest to the deepest and fastest–can be used like precisely fine-tuned instruments in a wonderful symphony (andante, staccato, etc.), depending on the effects you want to create. For example, as you feel yourself approaching the point of ejaculatory inevitability, you’d change your pelvic movement from the yang to the yin–that is, from the fast and strong thrust to a slower and more relaxed one, perhaps directing the thrust away from your partner’s body and softening the penetration.

Also important are techniques of varying the touching approach of your sexual organs, your heart area, and other parts of your body at specific times during lovemaking. For instance, a relaxed perineum (the area between the genitals and the anus) and strong love muscles (the pubo-coccygeal or PC muscles at the base of your pelvis) are prerequisites for de-localizing your sexual energy. In that way you can avoid ejaculation, and at the same time increase your orgasmic pleasure, by re-directing highly charged sexual energy to other parts of your body.

Feeling Your Orgasm Through Your Whole Body

All the above tools and more aid in creating multiple full-body orgasms–orgasms that are felt throughout the entire body, not just in the genitals. An analogy that helps men understand the process is that of wave surfing. As you’re building up your sexual energy, you ride the wave upward. As you’re approaching the crest, you start riding along the crest, thus avoiding going over the top. Greater and longer thrills are your reward if you don’t allow yourself to go over the top of the first wave.

Another analogy that helps explain multiple orgasms is that of climbing a tall mountain with several peaks. When you’re almost within reach of the first peak, you hang out in an adjacent valley and feel the blessings of the high energy you’ve generated so far. You can use tantric techniques to sustain your erection for as long as you want, and at the same time connect deeper with your love partner’s heart and soul. At this first peak, you can have your first non-ejaculatory orgasm that involves the whole body. It’s also called a Valley Orgasm. It’s as though all the cells of your body are exploding with pleasure and excitement, while the lingam (the penis) is still retaining most of its energy. It takes just a moment of concentration on the lingam for it to recharge even stronger than before.

After this invigorating “rest” you can resume the movement and the breathing that will bring you to the next peak, and then to yet another. The full-body orgasms get increasingly stronger, until you reach the highest peak of the Himalayas. This lovemaking could culminate in the biggest, strongest orgasm that you’ve ever experienced. This is when you can go beyond your body to feel your connection with the whole cosmos. You then can really experience the feeling that you’re not only a cell in the infinite universe, but you also are the universe, and can come back into your physical reality fully recharged and more at peace.

If after many such peaks you decide to ejaculate as well, Tantra recommends that you do that by taking the longest, deepest breath and then exhale slowly, vocalizing your excitement while you’re ejaculating. Tantric masters can prolong their ejaculations to last for nine consecutive deep breaths.

You Do Not Have To Be A Tantra Master To Use These Techniques

The best candidates for this esoteric knowledge are men who are honest enough with themselves to admit that, no matter how good they are as lovers, they can always improve their techniques and approaches to lovemaking. These men are courageous enough to ask for help, and smart enough to get it. They know their greatest wealth is the quality of life they create for themselves, and for the women they love. These men also have enough wisdom to know that experiencing full-body orgasms will take time and practice.

When practicing these techniques, there are many signs to look for that can confirm you’re on the right track. A tingling sensation, shifts of consciousness, a warm glow, a feeling of being lost in time, making involuntary sounds and spontaneous movements, and becoming relaxed in a high state of excitement are all signs of an impending full-body orgasm. The key is to pay attention to the smallest sensations in your body. Instead of judging them as “too small to matter,” you become curious about how big they can get-but without making that a goal.

A wise man also knows that sometimes we have unconscious resistance to pleasure, and that some limiting thoughts or emotions like shame or guilt might come up. This is an important reason a qualified coach can be very valuable. An experienced Tantrika can spot those more-or-less subtle blocks and invite you to relax, own them, and move through them to a higher level of bliss.

Full-Body Orgasms Feel Great – But They Have Other Benefits Too

Learning to have several full-body orgasms without ejaculating can help a man circulate his sexual energy to flood his hormonal system, and re-stimulate hormone-producing cells that usually reduce their production as we become older. Higher production occurs during your developing years, and then diminishes steadily with age. Men using the tantric techniques can heighten their hormone production, especially the “free” testosterone which causes high sexual desire and improves performance.

There are several other benefits to this practice. Exercising your love muscles will strengthen them, and will help keep your erection powerful and strong for a very long time. The increased circulation that results from the recommended contractions and releases will help to keep the sexual organs strong and healthy. The risk of ending up with prostate problems diminishes substantially.

One of the most important side benefits of a man mastering the multiple orgasm techniques is that it gives the woman time to get greatly stimulated and her genitals time to get highly engorged, so that she can have several orgasms herself. The ancient tantric masters knew that if they satisfied their woman sexually and they honored her as an equal partner, harmony in the family was the result. Besides, I’m often told that a man’s greatest pleasure is to see his woman very turned on by him.

Have you ever considered how much money, time, and emotional pain a divorce ends up costing? Some divorces happen because of lack of trust, and lack of communication. However, in my many years of helping men, women and couples achieve their maximum satisfaction in life, I have consistently observed that when sex is great and men have certain control over their sexual instincts, life becomes more fulfilling sexually, spiritually, and on all other levels. The emotions and the spirit get lots of nurturing, and the love between the couple grows much stronger. Trust and communication improve greatly. When you make love for a couple of hours instead of just a few minutes, you’re more likely to stop outer body movements and get into deep communication by looking into each other’s eyes, and sending energy back and forth to each other.

During these love-building breaks you’d communicate how much you like making love to your partner, and how important she is in your life. You might take turns flexing your internal love muscles to maintain your erection. Don’t worry if your erection diminishes in size a bit. You can regain the full erection shortly after you start moving again. In Tantra you’ll learn that it’s more about moving energy than about “work.” You’ll learn to circulate your sexual energy throughout your body–and hers–expanding it to gain all these benefits while having a wonderful time.

In the end, even if you decide to ejaculate, you’ll have absorbed most of the energetic content of your ejaculate, and you won’t feel tired and sleepy afterwards. You can stay awake and share pillow-talk with your partner, an activity all women seem to enjoy after making love. This is an instance in which you can have your cake and eat it too.

Learning On Your Own

The best way to learn any body-centered practice, including sexual techniques, is definitely one-on-one with a coach, but for some people this is not an option. They may not be able to travel, or have a limited income, or just feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger about such a personal issue.

In these cases, an online or home-study course can be your best option. One course which has been recommended with very good results is Ian Kessler’s Male Multiple Orgasm, and if you are looking for a course you can follow privately at home, at your own pace, I recommend you read more about it.

One-on-One Private Coaching

If you would have more questions about learning how to achieve multiple orgasms, and would like to schedule a private session with me, you can contact me.