There are powerful Tantric techniques that will help you have several mind-blowing orgasms without ejaculating – they are called multiple body orgasms. Every time you control your instinct to ejaculate, your will move toward a higher, more powerful orgasm. You can have as many orgasms as you want during the time you have set aside for this most pleasurable and enlightening experience with your lover.

A good time to decide to ejaculate is when you know your lover is fully satisfied. Do not worry: she will give you unmistakable signs. Then you can decide to have the last body orgasm with a conscious ejaculation.

This kind of tantric orgasm -I call it the Tantric Big O – will definitely be your highest and your ejaculation will be stronger and longer.

Your experience will be so intense and profound that it will keep you smiling for days. An ejaculation that happens as a reaction of your body that just wants to release a sexual tension is a fleeting pleasure compared to this. Conscious lovemaking increases your physical, emotional and spiritual love.

Men who have mastered the Tantric Big ‘O’ tell me that they experience their highest orgasm with the added pleasure of being flooded by a deep well of love and adoration from their woman. She sees him as her hero. This is the desire of most men. It is ingrained into our psyche. Men want to be heroes. Why not becoming “Superman” in bed?

However, to become a “hero” you need to own also your “feminine” side, the side that Carl Jung called the ‘anima’. Making love is a dance between the masculine and the feminine (the yang and the yin) and you need to take turns between the two if you want to arrive at the highest pinnacle of tantric orgasm.

Going up a mountain that is steep you learn that it is best to go up by zigzagging from side to side, a little higher each cross, than to try to rush straight up. Your yang energy (masculine) wants to reach completion in a straight line, but the yin part of you (your feminine) desires to slow down and enjoy the process. It wants to luxuriate in the touch, to take in the beauty, to nurture.

This is what Tantra teaches. When your climb is very steep, you need to take rests. Tantra calls these rests ‘valley orgasms’. These will allow you to climb to the top of the Himalaya while enjoying the journey. On your way up, you will encounter many valleys. Resting in these valley-orgasm gives you the energy to continue up to the very top – the tantric orgasm, the mind-blowing Tantric Big O.

To obtain this kind of power of choice takes a clear, strong intention and a real commitment to practice. Practice is essential when you are learning. You know that to really become master at anything, it requires both know-how and practice. No matter how talented you are at any sports, if you do not practice – your game will just be ordinary. Yes, a coach is very important. A great coach can give you the right instructions and transmit enthusiasm to you, but you still have to practice to achieve mastery. If you are reading this. I know you are willing to train to be the best lover you can be.

In my sessions, I can transmit to you the tools that will take you there and give you a winning formula based on a most enjoyable ‘training’. You can experience yourself as a brave warrior, a man who can overcome the desire to release this enormous sexual force.

The most common sexual dysfunctions that men experience are: loss of desire, erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculation and impotence. Some women experience: inhibited sexual desire, lack of orgasm, insufficient lubrification and painful intercourse. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, in 2005 more than 105 million Americans reported struggling with chronic sexual dysfunctions and many of them were not aware that there is help available. Diabetes can be one of the causes of sexual dysfunctions. Also some prescription medications for depression can have a negative effect on sexual desire.

There are many causes: some of them are related to hormone production, to blocks to the flow of energy, to shallow anxious breathing and unhealthy diet, just to mention a few.

The hormonal production tends to diminish with age, and you could consult a good endocrinologist to check your hormonal production status. There is a lot of information available on the internet. It’s worth learning about it.

There are also products available that are natural, organic, that very safely stimulate the body to increase production of the body’s natural growth hormones.

What you eat and drink is also important. There are certain simple recommendations you might want to observe most of the time: eat your biggest meal between 12 and 2 PM; eat fish vegetables often; keep your stomach light at night; drink lots of water during the day. Drinking a little alcohol can help lower inhibitions, while drinking too much can inhibit sexuality.

Breathing shallowly and high in the chest is probably the most important single cause of lack of energy and anxiety during lovemaking. Through the years, we became habituated to breathe shallow breaths, often filling only the higher part of our chest where the lungs are narrow and smaller. The body brings the venous blood to the lungs to be purified and the largest veins are located on the bottom of the lungs. Venous blood contains carbon dioxide and other poisonous gases that need to be exchanged with oxygen and thus transformed into vital arterial blood that nourished and strengthens the body.

To be fully present and energetic lovers, we need to learn to breathe to facilitate this exchange as fully as possible. Tantra teaches different breaths for different purposes. Some of the most used techniques are to increase energy and to retain energy without going over the top.

However, many of the sexual dysfunctions are due to emotional issues, entrenchment into set habits, undelivered communications and resentments that could build a cold wall between couples and unconscious issues coming to the surface. A good Tantric Healer can help you look at those issues with increased energy and guide you to use this powerful Tantric tools to open up blocks and take care of unfinished issues that limit the joy of our lovemaking.

Lots of issues have been repressed and feeling rationalized instead of felt. When emotions are not expressed, blocks to the flow of energy form along the pathway where erotic energy would otherwise flow to the whole body. When blocks are present your vitality is lower and sex becomes more a “squeeze and burst” event, at best a letting go of tension instead of an exchange to deepen your love for each other.

Some men have trained themselves with techniques to “making her come” the fastest way possible so that they can “come” thus missing the opportunity for emotional connection and really fulfilling lovemaking. This way of having sex gives leaves you with a sense of immediate relief but robs you of the opportunity to use this powerful energy for deep heart connection and nurturing. Thus lovers are depriving themselves of deeper and longer pleasure that could enliven all the cells of the body. Making love could be the greatest way to “make love” grow and to live a longer, happier life.

Deep breathing helps bring emotions to the surface. “E-motion” means energy in motion. When emotions are felt sexual energy can reach higher levels riding higher and wider waives sending into ecstatic lovemaking that is really fulfilling. Sex without emotions leaves people tired, empty and sometimes sad. We instinctively know there is more to it.

Deep breathing is also a key to avoiding anxiety about performance. When your whole body tingles with aliveness and when you hear our lover breathe equally deeply, perhaps even making a sound on each exhalation, you are less prone to thinking about performance and more about riding the waves of pleasure a little longer.

Tantra offers the view that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience and as such we have infinite potential for expressing love. By adding the spiritual dimension into the lovemaking it elevates it to ecstasy and adds opens doors for infinite creativity.

As spiritual beings we have infinite potential available and therefore boredom is no longer a danger.

However, Tantra is not a religion. Tantra does not require anyone to follow any dogma. Rather, it encourages us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements that surround us, and the spirit that we all share.

To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body. This helps us clear blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into altered states of consciousness. There we can transcend our everyday self-identification, and we can get a glimpse of our true larger reality. This includes the body, and goes beyond to include “all that is.” It’s a state of great expansion and orgasmic pleasure that surpasses by far the short-lived ejaculatory orgasm that many are accustomed to.

There are many wonderful books on Tantra, and reading can open your mind up to Tantra, but in order to actually engage in the journey, I think the best way to start is with a good guide. Why do many people need a guide? Some books can be confusing and no matter how well written they can never express the warmth and guidance of a real knowledgeable professional who can transmit her energy and knowledge to the seekers who are open to receive it.

If you want to prepare for a really high Tantric experience with each other, it is also essential to start by taking time to connect and catch up with emotional issues that might linger unexpressed. People often leave these issues unsaid because of some common rationalizations, such as “I don’t want to start a fight with her” or “he’s not ready to hear me.” But when we leave these emotions hidden, they become a hindrance to the moving of erotic energy, and end up suppressing our passion for each other. Paying attention to each other and really listening to each other’s concerns is essential. Learning how to “make love grow” becomes especially imperative if you did not see good models for this process while growing up.

Over time, most of us fall into a sex routine that becomes boring and depleting instead of nurturing, and does not deserve the name of love making. Making love tantrically allows you to achieve high pleasure for the body, and great satisfaction for your emotions and spirit. It is deeply nourishing and bonding and always new, because it is taking place in each moment, as you respond to each other with honesty and support.

Making love this way becomes a priority in a relationship. Great lovemaking restores and/or adds harmony, peace and joy to everyone else you interact with too. It is worth the time and the investment you make in learning how to achieve this hot and relaxing Tantric space, a door through which you can enter into a new, higher, more expanded you on your way to Enlightenment.

I hope this brief overview of this wonderful art has stimulated your imagination and creativity to explore new avenues for your sexuality.

In this state, our bodies are relaxed, full of potential energy, producing an environment in our bodies where health and vitality explode in each cell. We feel fully satisfied and joyous.

In the moment of orgasm the soul is restored to its original essence of peace and oneness. The quality of an orgasm depends on how deeply you connect with your partner. As you know, some ejaculatory orgasms are superficial: they just relieve the tension created through fast masturbation or, for women, clitoral stimulation. This is not the orgasm I’m talking about here. I am referring to deeply connecting Tantric orgasms.

For a woman I mean g spot and cervical orgasms. And both can be blended with clitoral orgasm. To reach any of these orgasms, trust and emotional connection are essential. Many of you already know about the g spot, which we in Tantra call Goddess spot. The cervical orgasm is even deeper and more powerful, and it is usually achieved after a longer period of stimulation.

For a man, I mean an orgasm that comes both from his body being fully turned on – not just the lingam – and from his soul being fully involved with his female lover. Tantric tools help the man to reach these high quality orgasms. For more on this, see my article Male Multiple Full-Body Orgasms.

Bathed in a radiant/peaceful “afterglow” you can now both integrate your love on a deeper level as you realize you are one. You are realizing the truth of each moment: “we always are ONE”,and there is deep relaxation, ecstasy, peace and safety in the experience of this reality.

We enjoy the deep connection for a while – how long depends by each individual preference and need. However, since we live in the world of opposites, there is an opposite urge for autonomy and individuality at work within in each of us, and soon the urge to separate takes the front seat in our consciousness, driving us to separate once again. In this physical reality, if we are always at peace and in perfect balance we can get bored. We exist in this world as a result of opposites: day and night, light and dark, men and women, and living here fully mean playing the erotic game of oneness and separation. So we build up magnetism to attract the complementary polarity; if we are in the male energy, we attract the female and vice-versa. It is this play between the urge to unify and the urge to separate that creates the dance of intimacy. Tantra shows you how to become masters at it.

We, both men and women, have a mixture of feminine and masculine energies. The masculine in us feels its bliss in freedom and emptiness. Bliss for the feminine consists of mastering change, stirring up energy, flowing with the waves, being the wind that makes the leaves dance, the hurricane, the volcanic eruptions, the explosion of life in spring, the birth of life from her body.

The healthy masculine is driven to achieve some high goals. When he has achieved them he has the freedom from needing to do something so he can rest in emptiness: nothing to do – or for some to do something out of joy, not out of necessity; even in lovemaking the masculine part of us works until it releases the tension often through ejaculation and then hangs out in “nothingness”, perhaps tuning out in front of a TV set, or some other mindless entertainment.

All religions founded by men have in some form or another as an important goal redemption (recovering freedom) and eternal peace. On the other hand, matriarchal societies have produced Tantra and other systems celebratory of love and connection. Celebration of spring is another way the feminine celebrates. Beltane is a time of celebration and fertility rites.

The healthy feminine expresses itself though changes, shades of light and shadows, alternating moods — from joy to crying if she’s deeply touched by the presence of the masculine, and his attention to her. The feminine is in touch with what happens in her body, moving her body in waves of pleasure and making sounds according to the power of the waves she feels within her body.

The masculine can ride with her achieving his goal of emptiness when his attention is fully in her so that he becomes her. He enjoys the feminine in all her expressions when he can be so present to her. The feminine feels complete when the presence of the masculine is complete.

When this happens both female and male are in ecstasy and can reach the highest orgasms that are the celebration of the reunion between the two polarities. This intense, juicy celebration of our physical reality takes us to ecstatic places beyond the physical reality. This excursion into the reality of who we are is essential for the health of our human experience. During orgasms oxytocin, a hormone that creates bonding, is being released. The immune system is being stimulated and strengthened, blood circulation brought to all capillaries, flooding us with energy and rejuvenation.

People who achieve these kinds of orgasm have a bounce in their steps, a more positive attitude and attract more abundance with fewer struggles. They usually look 10 to 20 years younger when they reach their 50s and 60s.

As though she had heard my thought, she said, “I do enjoy spending time with myself; I usually read a book, dance by myself, or play my guitar. But today I’ve decided to do something to have others feel enjoyment about being alive.” 
“So I’ve decided to go to an old folks home to help the people there to feel some joy. Many old people have been parked at a home and seldom see their loved ones.”

What Marylyn said made me realize that when you are alone there is a tendency to interpret this as if you are not loved. Marylyn distinguished between being alone and being lonely. Alone can be a high state where you feel united with your higher self and with others spiritually; lonely is a state of feeling separate.

Marylyn went to the old folks home and showed the old folks a good connecting breathing exercise that she had learned in my Tantra class. They especially loved making a sexy sound on their exhalation. When she saw great aliveness coming back into these people, she started playing old songs which they could relate to. They loved them.

They started singing along, and feeling energized and connected with each other through the music that they shared. Soon their innate vitality came through clearly, sharing bright smiles to each other and to Marylyn.

Marylyn was beaming, her heart overflowing with joy for being able to be a catalyst for so much love. Her own enthusiasm for life and for music was beaming from every cell of her body.

Marylyn had a Tantric experience, as she put it. Her heart opened up very wide, and she felt energy spiraling up her spine similar to when she had sex with her lover. She realized that you don’t have to touch genitals to have a tantric experience. This realization was coming to her as a thank you from the Goddess in her for her dedication to sharing her love unconditionally.

Another friend called me later to tell me that her lover came to visit her from far away unexpectedly and sparks were flying. She asked me for advice on how to deal with so much energy. Of course, the advice I gave her is to take deeper breaths and connect with each with a slower approach to lovemaking. Take time to kiss slowly while looking into each other’s eyes. To enjoy each sensation of each touch or love expression as though your whole bodies are melting into each other.

How was your Valentine’s Day? If it was not what you wanted, know you have the choice to create one every day.

Our faces came together as though gently pulled by a magnet until our lips touched. His lips felt like velvet and I instinctively to feel wetted my lips to absorb more of his essence. Then he stopped and deepened his breath sucking in the flavor of my lips. Then he gently touched them with the tip of his tongue as if searching for an entrance. But he did not force his tongue into my mouth. He took time, looking into my eyes with burning passion that he was building up as he waited to savor my lips.

I was trembling with excitement and I started kissing his lower lips. That was the signal for his kiss to become more intense. I was ready. . . he took my upper lip into a wet embrace and sucked on it with different intensity for a long time. My whole body vibrated and I felt juices flowing.

We were not in a hurry to stick our tongues into each other’s mouth. Why rush? Our lips provided a wonderful entrance into each other’s souls. We opened our eyes together and the energy skyrocketed to the point that my mouth opened instinctively to receive his tongue deeply. It felt like intercourse. Without words, we continued the dance of the tongue for what seemed like an eternity. Our bodies became very hot . . . time stood still. Now I finally knew the power of a kiss . . . The tingling sensations were running through my body and rivers of energy were flowing up and down my spine.

Do you remember your first great kiss? Are you taking time to give and receive delicious kisses to savor the new person that you are? Do you like tuning in to the subtle differences that your kiss brings to you each day?

Now that I know Tantra I realize how important the kiss is in love making. The throat center (mouth and ears) has a direct connection with the sex center. When you kiss, you secrete hormones that turn you on sexually and your saliva becomes rich with these hormones. Drinking each other’s charged saliva is called the Libation kiss.

You might want to try it… It works no matter what age you are.

Francesca Gentille, host of “Sex, Tantra, and Kama Sutra,” interviews Carla about Tantra as a healing process, and a rejuvenation and relationship tool.

Learn how Tantra moves beyond psychotherapy to develop the emotional-physical bond and rejuvenates the body and mind. Carla explains how to work with a Tantrika, convenient rituals you can do at home to establish deep connection with your lover, and how to use Tantric communication to open your heart to more connected and authentic sex.

Listen to the podcast >>

Read the interview transcript >>

These people live a Tantric life whether or not they have studied the Tantric secrets. 

Some people are directly attuned to this knowledge. After all, the entire knowledge of the whole universe comes through to us if our mind is open and quiet enough to let it in. To receive the knowledge you have to have a firm intention to receive it, and a mind that is strong and flexible enough be open to it.

If your mind tends to be scattered, or stuck in old paradigms, Tantric training can help you. Tantra can also help if you have a job that requires you to be “inside your mind” a lot.

Through tantric training you learn to focus your mind on what works to achieve the deepest connection with body, mind and spirit. You are paying attention to the sensations in your body and you breathe deeply so they expand into higher excitement.

You are letting go of all thoughts based on comparisons, you are letting go of goals of performance, and you trust your natural sexuality, which is not mind-driven.

Sexual performance remains vigorous since you can sustain the excitement of riding the waves preceding the ejaculation much longer than you used to before practicing Tantra.

And yet, there is more to Tantra than enhanced sexual relationships. A Tantric lifestyle is all-encompassing, and includes more flexibility in mind and body, radiant health, feeling more youthful, and higher self-esteem. All of this serves to enhance both the work life and the family life. Health, flexibility, enhanced sexuality, and youthfulness become a self-feeding loop, constantly leading to higher vitality and inner satisfaction.

Those who understand and practice the Tantric principles realize that they have found the true Fountain of Youth.

Staying aware when you are very turned on physically is challenging, but incredibly rewarding. When you learn to stay aware of all that you are during the moments of highest excitement , you are in a Tantic state, a state of union between the male and female energy, between the body, the mind and the spirit, and the emotions flow freely and unencumbered like a river between the different levels.

It is a state of pleasure and deep enjoyment, a celebration of being fully alive in the NOW. When you are in this state, time stays still, and your experience of bliss is stretched and intense. The now is eternal. That is why the experience that Tantric love brings is always fresh and new.

They see great sculptures on Tantric temples depicting several people making love to each other, which I admit looks like an orgy.  However it’s far from being an orgy, and is really a higher level of expression of sexual/spiritual love. I want to shed light on the issue to encourage people  who might avoid Tantra, thinking that it is about orgies, to actually take a closer look at Tantra.

The safest way to practice Tantra is within a couple committed to a succulent, conscious life that has growth as its core.  It takes time to nurture a relationship until one feels safe and trusting enough to consciously extend one’s love to others.  Tantra counsels you should not rush into it.

While some Tantric masters might make love with many lovers, it is done so consciously and with the complete approval and comfort of all participants to heighten the energy.  However, it is not an orgy.
Usually orgies are about having sex with people without connecting on a spiritual and emotional level.  Or about enjoying watching someone having sex without risking doing it.  Most people in orgies grab a breast or a buttock and don’t care whom it belongs to as long as it is pleasurable for them.  Women are often objectified.  Some of them don’t like it, and still put themselves in these situations to please their husband or lover; some of them like being objectified because of the harmful way they were treated in their first sexual encounter.  For these women, orgies are a way of perpetrating that original hurt caused by lack of love.  Tantra is not about objectification by any means.

Tantra is about being conscious of the person you are connecting with and asking permission to touch, or kiss, or expressing your sexuality in any other way.  Tantric lovers take time to soul gaze, that is, to connect with the essence of the person they are going to make love to, opening up the whole chakra system and communicating to create safety so that the power of the excitement can be transformed into higher love.  The higher the expression of passion based on safety, the higher the love and spiritual connection can go and the deeper you can enter into intimacy.

When two lovers feel very safe with each other (no fear of losing each other) then they might choose to expand that to other people they feel a connection with, always establishing first what the boundaries are, and making sure that they will be respected.  If one of the participants in this poly group starts feeling uncomfortable, those feelings are taken into consideration immediately and steps taken to restore safety. Poly is short for polyamory, which means loving consciously more than one person.

Tantric polyamory encounters are usually lead by a professional who can intervene in the case of someone not respecting the boundaries.  This professional, usually an experienced Tantrika, can suggest how to make the encounter safer and juicier and bring the whole energy to a higher level.

A polyamory group encounter would start with a ritual dedicating the energy to a goal that leads to more peace and enlightenment for all beings and can be a very high expression of spiritual sex.

In conclusion, orgies are about acting out lust, Tantric lovemaking is about expressing love consciously with complete respect of all the participants, and a Tantric group setting is about transmuting that sexual energy to enlighten the spirit.

There are many other myths about Tantra, and I’ll be answering them in future posts.