Excerpt from "Tantra Love" Tantra Love requires a willingness to "become the other." Using the breath to shift your focus…
The Tantric Secret – Simpler Than You Think
The Tantric secret to obtaining the highest orgasm and deepening love is very natural and very simple: pay attention to your lover.
Men are usually faster than women getting to places where they are tempted to ejaculate so I will concentrate on guiding men. If you are a woman who get sexually turned on faster than your man, this is for you, too.
For men, your woman’s breathing is the most essential guide that will tell you where your woman is in her process of getting turned. She will hopefully be using the Ocean Breath, a fluid natural breath. When her breathing becomes deep and she makes sounds of pleasure, you know she’s there with you. Until then, you need to match her breathing and feel where she is.
The breath is the most important telltale sign to guide you to her state of arousal. If she’s suspending her breath, that is she starts holding her breath –making her inhalation and exhalation irregular– that could mean her thinking is taking her away from the moment, away from the sensations that your touch is stimulating. It might be too much for her in that moment, but you don’t have to be a mind reader! Her breath will tell you where she is.
When her breath does not harmonize with your breath, then it is wise to invite her attention to the moment by saying something nice to her. For example: “Honey, you are so sexy! When you look at me you transfer all that beautiful energy into me … When you look at me I get so… turned on.”
Or if your wife is in her menopausal or post menopausal years and starts feeling low self-esteem, you might say to her: “Your skin is so soft and glowing right now. I love you so much I would not exchange you even for 2 eighteen year olds!”
Comments like this will definitely get her attention back whatever you do, whether you touch her, kiss her or perform oral loving on her. As the giver, keep consciously sending your love energy to her.
A touch without loving intention remains superficial, no matter how good it is. When you add your love to it, it can go directly into her heart.
As you know, it is when the woman feels loved that she can fully open up sexually. The key to her sexuality is her heart. You can also make loving commitments loudly. The 3 most important words in the dictionary of love are still: “I love you!” Tell her, ” You are the most important person in my life… “ and she will respond with her heart and her body.
Tantric sex is not about reaching the point of no return and ejaculating. It’s about going beyond the point of no return, and surfing the waves of pleasure together. Enjoy!
Photo by Kait Curran Palmer.