Excerpt from "Tantra Love" Tantra Love requires a willingness to "become the other." Using the breath to shift your focus…
Tips on Tantric Love-Making
Tantric lovemaking is not only about having hours of intercourse. A tantric connection includes the seduction, the intimacy building, the eye gazing, the erotic energy exchange, the touching, the kissing, the honoring of each other’s body, the intercourse and the afterglow… and each part can take a long time depending how creative you are willing or in the mood to be.
It’s important to know that you can stop this connection at any time and yet feel relaxed and fulfilled because you did not have a goal to “come”; the desire was to connect and to exchange energy in a conscious way, which is always very sexy and uplifting.
This is possible because Tantra does not have a goal. Just because you start making love, you don’t have to end in ejaculatory orgasm, although you can have several body orgasms while being together.
You could start your play that precedes the more intimate play of love anywhere, perhaps even in a restaurant looking into each other with eyes burning with desire, opening sexily the top button of your shirt while gently caressing the uncovered skin. Touching each other’s hands while your heart is swelling with love; appreciating the presentation of the platter of food that you chose; being aware of every explosion of taste in your mouth and expressing it with soft appreciative sounds “yum..yum”. Perhaps even implying that the second dessert is going to be at home…
You might stop on the way home to buy colorful flowers to adorn your room, or very ripe fruit that you are going to feed each other during a special intimate time. Smelling both the flowers and the fruit, anticipating the incredible delight they will bring to you at the right time during the lovemaking; a sort of a sweet communion.
At home, you might give each other a long sensuous hug and a kiss and start preparing the room for a romantic encounter: candles, flowers, your favorite music that you have already chosen to put on your “lovemaking” play list, sexy clothing…
Then you might want to do a bathing ritual to prepare your body for love. You could wash each other’s hair, one at a time, being fully present in the role of giving or receiving; really give each other this present of attention and nurturing.
You have just started a lovemaking session that could last as long as you keep your focused awareness on each other and communicate caring and love either silently through looks, sensuous touch, sexy sounds and body undulations or with words expressing what you feel about your lover.
You dance together feeling the heat building up from the movement of your hips in unison with the music you both love and your adoration of each other’s body.
You have not yet started the lovemaking session as most non-tantric people imagine it to be (tantric sex), and yet you have already built up a great erotic charge that will bring the “actual intercourse lovemaking” to another dimension. The more you prepare, the higher you can go into ecstasy.
Tantric lovemaking does not have a goal of how the love session has to end. You are constantly tuning into the moment and discovering where the energy will take you. You will be very positively surprised about how controlling the ejaculation with Tantric tools can tremendously increase the pleasure in your body.
Avoiding set patterns of lovemaking is essential. Habits kill the freshness and passion of lovemaking.
Remember that after you have started the actual intercourse you can stop at anytime and look into each other’s eyes and share the enchantment you are feeling.
In Tantra we can choose to build up to a very high orgasm. You can stop several times along the way to the highest Mountain; you can choose to enjoy resting in each other’s arms in each of the many valleys before reaching the top, each time spreading the energy built up so far into all the cells of the body. This could take some time.
Taking time to feed each other and resting in conscious embraces is very much part of Tantra as well.
I recommend you don’t do Tantra with a watch on. Let the love carry you through and if you fall asleep then you were listening to your body’s need for rest and respecting it. That is Tantra, too. Relax and reconnect when you wake up! Enjoy each other’s presence without distractions. That is the essence of Tantra.